Trouble Sleeping? -- Schedule Some Worry Time!

Hello Beautiful Souls!

Here's an interesting read: No More Sleepless Nights,
Conquer Insomnia with: A Natural, Drug-Free Program,
A Sleep-Log Self-Exam, Stress-Reduction Techniques,
Improved Diet, Exercise, and Environment

by Peter Hauri, PhD, Director of the Mayo Clinic Insomnia Program,
and Shirley Linde, PhD.

And now for a favourite excerpt of mine...

WORRY TIME

If you're the kind of insomniac who lies in bed with thoughts buzzing through your head, and you can't stop them, or you find yourself worrying about finances or your job or feel that you are losing control, Worry Time might be the solution for you.

Here's how Worry Time works: Sometime during the evening, long before you go to bed, schedule a half hour to do the work of worry so you don't have to do it in bed. To do your worrying, go into a quiet room and tell your family not to bother you, not even for telephone calls. Take 30 or 40 blank 3- by 5-inch file cards and a pencil with you. Just sit and relax.

Pretty soon, if you're a worrier or concerned about losing control, worries will start buzzing around. As they come, write each one down on one of the cards. They don't have to be important worries; they can be dumb worries or little worries. No matter, whatever bothersome thought comes into your head, it gets a separate card. You'll find that this helps immediately, because anything written down doesn't buzz in your head so much. Sit there and do that for perhaps 15 or 20 minutes -- until you can't come up with any more worries.

Sometime, you may just sit there and the worries don't come. For half an hour, there is no worry buzzing around in your mind. That's okay -- you've simply used this time to relax. So don't sit there and worry that you might not have any worries!

The second step is to make categories of the worries. This establishes some order into the chaos and starts putting the worries under your control.

You might have one batch of worries about your finances, another batch about your relationships, and another about how you aren't any good -- whatever. But don't make too many categories; usually, from three to seven is about right. If you have a category for each worry, then you haven't done anything.

Some people classify their worries by content, others by how important the worry is -- there are little worries, big worries, stupid worries, etc. It doesn't matter how you classify them, as long as the categories suit your situation.

Once you have them in groups, think about each group carefully and see what you can do with the worries in that group. At the bottom of each card, write down what seems to be the best solution. For example, if a worry is that tomorrow you have too much to do, that card should contain a possible outline of your schedule for the next day. If a worry is that you are going to forget important telephone calls tomorrow, write down all the calls that you have to make and use that card for your calls tomorrow morning. If a worry is that you have only $200 left in the bank and you have $800 worth of bills to pay, decide right then which bills to pay and which bills not to pay, who you have to call to explain, perhaps to make partial payment, and just how you're going to manage the problem.

The trick is that the solution has to be written down, not just kept in your head. If it is written down, it helps you let the worry go. It is a written contract with yourself to carry out the solutions. The next day, you do the things on your cards.

Of course, there are some worries that you have absolutely no control over. You simply can't do anything about them. In that case, write down, "I will not deal with this worry today" or "This worry is out of my control" or "I will deal with that in three weeks when so-and-so comes to town."

Sometimes, there may be a person who is causing you distress, but your conclusion is that you cannot change that person's personality. You might think of what you could say to them the next time you see them, or you could write down, "I have done everything I can; the ball is in the other person's court, and now I have to wait until it comes back."

The goal is to face each worry squarely and decide what or whether you are going to do something about it -- so that, at the end of your session, you have each worry processed in some way. Put the cards away to look at in the morning. You have done your work of worrying. And if worries now come to you in the middle of the night, you can say, "I dealt with that last night, the solution is settled. Go away."

Sometimes, though rarely, there will be worries that don't come during Worry Time, but come later on. It's not a bad idea to have a card near your bed -- then you can put that worry onto its card to be dealt with the next evening. Sometimes, a solution doesn't work and a worry comes back night after night. In that case, perhaps your solution wasn't right. Think it through again, or perhaps see a counselor.

The main idea is to have your worries thought about before you go to bed and when you are still thinking clearly -- so you don't make mountains out of molehills in the middle of the night when the stupidest little worries can drive you crazy. Now you can say, "It's okay, not to worry, I know what to do."

Worrying about problems in the middle of the night not only can enlarge the problem, but you can't do anything about it then. There are a lot of worries that you can't deal with at three o'clock in the morning that can be dealt with at eight in the evening. For example, if your worry is that you forgot your mother's birthday, you can call. If your worry is that "I'm not getting along with my son too well," if he is still up doing his homework, maybe you can go in and talk to him.

Schedule a Worry Time every night or every other night for a week, maybe two. If it helps, continue doing it. If it doesn't work, give it up. Some people choose not to do Worry Time regularly, but only when their problems become hectic and bothersome.

A variation on Worry Time that works well is called The Worst Possible Scenario. When you get to the analysis of the cards and the various alternatives, ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Then ask yourself whether you could stand it. No matter how serious the situation, you can use this technique to put things in perspective: "If I stand up for this principle at my job, what is the worst thing that could happen? Probably, that my boss would fire me." Can you handle that, and is the principle worth that consequence? If it is, then go for it. If you would not be able to handle it or it isn't worth getting fired, make a different decision. In either case, you no longer have to worry about it.

It usually turns out that the worries are not really that bad once you face them. What you are worrying about may not even happen -- but if they do, you are ready.

You can order this book on Amazon.com.

There's even a No More Sleepless Nights Workbook!

So check them out and stop counting sheep!

Big Yawns,
Mudd
xoxox

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

technorati tags:insomnia, sleep disorder, books, techniques

Life After Trauma

Hello Friends!

Well, I'm finally back from a nice long break.
So let's get right down to business...

Here are a few excerpts from Life After Trauma - A Workbook for Healing

by Dena Rosenbloom, PhD,

and Mary Beth Williams, PhD

Trauma can turn your world upside down -- afterward, nothing may look safe or familiar.

This supportive workbook helps survivors of all types of trauma rebuild their lives. Filled with comforting activities, relaxation techniques, and self-evaluation questionnaires, the book explains how and why trauma can throw you for a loop and guides you toward developing inner resources for coping, self-understanding, and self-care.

Step-by-step chapters help you to reclaim a basic sense of safety, self-worth, and control; enchance your capacity to trust and be close to others; protect yourself from overwhelming memories; and heal from trauma-related reactions that may be disturbing your day-to-day life.

Written by experts in treating trauma and based on extensive research, the workbook can be used on its own or in conjunction with therapy.

TEN EFFECTIVE WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS

1. Be Flexible, Think Flexibly

Leftover fear from trauma can restrict your creativity and narrow your range of options. From where you stand, you may only be able to see one course of action. But if you shift your position, your view changes. Thinking flexibly means being able to see things from new or different perspectives rather than from the same old one. When you do this, new thoughts and choices become visible that were hard to see before. Being able to talk with others can be a big help in thinking more flexibly.

2. Learn All You Can About What Is Going To Happen

Fear and stress make it more difficult to think flexibly, but gathering as much information as you can -- in advance -- can help you stay flexible and see your full range of choices. You may fear something will happen, but how do the facts of the current situation match your emotions? What can you learn about the situation? The more you know in advance, the more choices you can have, and the more you can feel in control.

3. Plan Ahead

When you have gathered information about something that might happen, you can begin to consider, in advance, what you can do to prepare. Perhaps there are ways to make it easier for you. When you plan ahead, you plan when you can still think clearly and flexibly, before the highest level of stress. What will you need at those moments of peak stress? What might help you? How can you have these people or things handy? You can create a plan of action to make things easier for you and as safe as possible.

4. Avoid Impulsive Changes

Impulsive change can put you at risk. Respect your needs for safety. Try to think things through before you act. This gives you a better sense of control and power in the situation and can help you keep your risk low.

5. Try Not To Change Too Many Things At Once

You have the power to change many things about yourself, your behavior, and your reactions to others. Using this power most effectively means knowing its limitations. Changes, even good ones, create stress. The more changes, the more stress, and therefore, the harder it is to stay flexible. Changing too many things at once can overload you and make everything harder. You can end up feeling out of control. You can feel more in control by not changing too many things at once.

6. Pay Attention To Your Feelings And Reactions

You need to value and respect yourself enough to listen to how you feel. Paying attention to yourself gives you basic, crucial information. It is part of how you learn what is happening inside you. It is how you know whether or not you are changing too much, going too fast, or taking too many risks. Paying attention to yourself can give you the information and evidence that you need to plan ahead for next time.

7. Talk To Others Who Have Survived Similar Changes Or Experiences

Trauma can result in powerful, uncomfortable feelings of being crazy, separate, and different from others. It is even more powerful in a comforting way to realize you are not alone. After not knowing whom to talk to or how to put your experiences into words, it can be tremendously healing to learn there are others who understand and can share what you have been through. Talking to others who have had similar experiences also helps you get back in touch with yourself, and accept yourself.

8. Seek Support From People Who Can Listen, Offer Feedback,
Or Help In Other Ways

Everyone needs help sometime for something. When you can begin to count on others for help, it takes a great load off your shoulders. Finding people you can trust for even small, low-risk, practical things is a start. Finding people who will listen and accept you for who you are is one of the greatest supports of all.

9. Allow Yourself To Grieve Losses

Trauma and change bring loss. Although uncomfortable and at times even unbearable, the pain of loss can be one way to acknowledge and respect what you value. Pain confirms that what was lost was important to you and mattered. Respecting your feelings means that you have value, you matter, and continue to matter, even through loss.

10. Take Your Time

Healing from trauma can mean rebuilding your life. You need time to do this safely and solidly. Take the time. If you listen to your feelings and reactions, and respect what they tell you, you will move as fast as you can. Remember that you cannot control everything. If you try to go faster than your own limits allow, it will slow you down in the end.

The above ways of coping work for any stress, not just trauma. They are valuable tools for the rest of your life. We recognize that nothing erases trauma's tragedy and pain, but the experience as a whole can also include the silver linings of positive change and personal growth.

If you would like to purchase this book, go to Amazon.com by clicking here.

Have a stress-free day!

Love always,
Mudd
xoxox

P.S.: Questions or not, I would love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

technorati tags:stress, trauma, anxiety, healing

More Help For Parents

As I browsed around, searching for more information, I came across this FREE pdf document, also entitled Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress.
You can read it here.

You'll need Adobe Reader to be able to access this document.
You can download it for free here.

Finally, for information on helping your preschooler and your school-age child deal with stress, click here.

technorati tags:stress, teenager, preschool, school-age

Stress And Your Teenager

Good Day Sweet People!

Demanding schedules, changing responsibilities, questions of identity, noise pollution, poor diets, too little exercise, fear of the future, drugs and alcohol, job stress... So-called "adult" problems are also the lot of teenagers all over the world.

As a matter of fact, long before teenagers reach their twentieth birthday, they have enough pressures to last a lifetime.

As a parent, you are undergoing a great deal of stress yourself. Here's a book that offers many useful insights and practical exercises to help you -- and your adolescent -- through the turbulent teenage years -- Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress, A Survival Guide For Parents And Children.

The author, Bettie B. Youngs, Ph.D., Ed.D., is an internationally known educational consultant and author of more than a dozen books on raising happy, healthy and successful young people. Dr. Youngs is a noted expert on the effects of stress and self-esteem on children’s health and achievement.

I've chosen for you the following excerpt from her book:

THE SELF-ESTEEM PROFILE

Is your teenager easily hurt by criticism? Here's a profile to help you and your teenager examine her self-esteem. Have her answer yes or no to the following questions, then read the scoring profile below. One thing to keep in mind is that most teenagers feel bad about themselves from time to time. Therefore, in answering these questions your teenager should think about how she feels most of the time.

• Do you accept constructive criticism?
• Are you at ease meeting new people?
• Are you honest and open about your feelings?
• Do you value your closest relationships.
• Are you able to laugh at (and learn from) your own mistakes?
• Do you notice and accept changes in yourself as they occur?
• Do you look for and tackle new challenges?
• Are you confident about your physical appearence?
• Do you give yourself credit when credit is due?
• Are you happy for others when they succeed?

If your teenager answered most of these questions yes, she probably has a healthy opinion of herself. Whatever the level of your child's self-esteem now, you can help her take positive steps to improve it.

• Are you very shy or overly aggressive?
• Do you try to hide your feelings from others?
• Do you fear close relationships?
• Do you try to blame your mistakes on others?
• Do you find excuses for refusing to change?
• Do you continually wish you could change your physical appearance?
• Are you too modest about personal successes?
• Are you glad when others fail?

If your teenager answered yes to most of these questions, her self-esteem could probably use improvement. Here's how you can help your teenager personally care for her self-concept.

Acceptance

Help your adolescent identify and accept strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has both.

Encouragement

Take a "can-do" attitude. Help your adolescent set a reasonable timetable for personal goals, and offer encouragement along the way.

Praise

Praise your adolescent for, and encourage her to take pride in, her achievements, both great and small. Experiences are personal. We must each enjoy our own.

Time

Teach your child the importance of taking time out regularly to be alone with personal thoughts and feelings, and of getting involved in activities she can enjoy by herself (for example, crafts, reading, or individual sports). She must learn to enjoy her own company.

Trust

Encourage your adolescent to pay attention to her thoughts and feelings, to act on what she thinks is right. Doing what makes her feel happy and fulfilled will be a rewarding experience.

Respect

Help your adolescent value herself and not try to be someone else. Help her explore and appreciate her own special talents.

Love

Your adolescent must come to love herself. This is done by accepting and learning from mistakes and not overreacting to errors, and by accepting her successes and failures as those who love her do.

You can buy Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress (also available as an audio-cassette) at AllBookstores.com by clicking here.

Good Luck!

Hugs and lots of love,
Mudd
xoxo

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

technorati tags:stress, help, teenagers, self-esteem

Quiet! -- Please...

To quiet your mind, focus on your breathing...

As you breathe in,
say slowly to yourself
"I am"

and as you breathe out,
say slowly to yourself
"calm."

When your mind feels calm
you may focus only on your breathing,
with no thoughts at all.

technorati tags:quiet, mind, breathe, calm

The Zaky Touch

This is just too cute...

The Zaky is an ergonomic infant pillow designed by a mom to mimic the size, weight, touch, and feel of her hand and forearm to help her baby with comfort, support, protection, and development.

The Zaky can help calm your baby and help your baby sleep better through the night.

To see and read more about it, go to the Pregnancy Store here.

I wish I had giant hands and arms to cradle me.
Now there's an idea...

MuddHugs
xoxoxoxo

Mind Power

Hi All!

Here's a book that's been captivating my attention for the past two days...

In Make Your Mind Work For You -- New Mind-Power Techniques To Improve Memory, Beat Procrastination, Increase Energy, And More!, Joan Minninger, Ph. D., and Eleanor Dugan offer different techniques to help you develop an experienced mind -- one that makes the right decisions and leads you to take the right actions. You learn to solve problems, store and recall information, control anxieties, and experience more pleasure and satisfaction in everyday life. You also learn how to prioritize so that you achieve not only efficiency but also success.

Naturally, the book excerpt I chose to share with you has to do with depression. Here, then, are the strategies that our authors suggest for dealing with this unfortunate and much too common affliction.

Withdraw

Don't deal with difficult issues when you are depressed. Set aside a few minutes to sit and really focus on how horrible you feel. Imagine your toes, your knees, your hips all deep in blue, soggy drepression. Then see your body, your arms, your neck cold and wet. Finally the blues totally engulf you, closing over your head. Savor the immersion in this quivery blue environment (choose another colour if you really like blue). After a few minutes (if you can sustain your mood that long), notice how hard it is to keep up this intensity. Let the depression slide away in reverse order. Or maybe it changes colour, taking on a warm glow. You are now ready for one of the following steps.

Share

Mention to someone supportive that you have had a rotten day. Don't dwell on it, just get it out. Then go on to lighter topics. (Bartenders and therapists are good listeners, but friends and relatives are cheaper and often just as good.)

Pretend

Put on a brightly coloured outfit, dance, tell jokes, sing, jump up and down. Put on a false face of merriment. Often it turns the tide. A study at the University of California at San Francisco, discussed in Approaches to Emotion: A Book of Readings, edited by Klaus Scherer and Paul Ekman, showed that you can call up different emotions by changing your expression. Psychologist Paul Ekman asked people to make faces, raising and lowering eyebrows and lips. People consistently experienced emotions that matched their facial image. So, when your heart is aching, a happy face can cheer you up. If it doesn't, at the very least you'll be able to come up with some wonderfully ironic poetic images for your autobiography.

Reward yourself

No need to indulge yourself with a 1,000-calorie sundae or a $5,000 wardrobe, unless you can afford them. But you might consider a movie or sauna, some bubble bath, a bunch of daisies, a new box of paper clips, a few extra minutes at coffee break or in the shower or with the morning paper.

Do a kindness

Plan something nice for someone else. This is usually the last thing on your mind. That's why it is invaluable. Getting your Knowing Mind to notice and pay attention to someone else is a good way to start the rebellion that ends depression.

Do something physical

Run, jog, walk. Deliberately drop a file folder or handful of rubber bands and then pick up all the pieces one at a time, bending from the waist. Rearrange your possessions. (Leave other people's alone!) Even if you're in traction or a wheelchair, there are still parts of your body you can exercise. Roll your eyes, make faces, wiggle your ears and anything else that will move.

Plan

Even if you're so low you could walk on stilts under a dachshund, focus on doing one thing later today that is pleasurable. Arrange to meet a friend. Phone someone interesting. Have something special for dinner. Get your Organizing Mind to construct lists of potential pleasures.

Write it down

One of the valuable things about keeping a diary is learning that nothing is permanent. Some people think whatever they write is carved in stone. I help my writing classes realize that just the opposite is true. Sorrow, pain, happiness, elation -- all come and go. When you are depressed, you feel as though you have always been depressed and will remain that way forever. But nothing is forever, even depression.

Very interesting book. You can even get the Audio CD version (Your Coach in a Box) on Amazon.com by clicking here.

Big hugs and lots of kisses,
Mudd
xoxo

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.