Having experienced sexual abuse when I was a child, I'm always drawn to whatever deals with the subject. Here's a book that recently made its way to my attention, "Stolen Tomorrows -- Understanding And Treating Women's Childhood Sexual Abuse."
The author, Steven Levenkron, is a psychotherapist whose works include "Cutting" and "The Anatomy of Anorexia." Together with his wife, cotherapist, and coauthor, Abby Levenkron, he continues to gather facts and inspiration from the many patients he sees in his New York office.
Here's a summary of the case histories Steven Levenkron writes about in his book:
Cassie
Then: Cassie was a seven-year-old compliant daughter. Her mother was a full-time housewife, and her father, a general surgeon, was a pillar of the community. From ages seven to eleven, Cassie was raped at night in her bed by her father.
Now: Cassie is a fifty-two-year-old mother and wife who spent dozens of years cheating on her husband while raising their daughter. She came to me for help dealing with her behavioral problems, which had led to neglecting her daughter. Cassie always has a terrified look on her face.
Olivia
Then: Olivia was a shy, five-year-old girl learning penmanship in the first grade, living with her mother and stepfather, a wealthy businessman. He nightly molested her while telling her it was good for her. This went on for five years.
Now: She is married, thirty-two, and incapable of being sexually aroused. Her husband is divorcing her. They have no children.
Adrienne
Then: Adrienne was a happy five-year-old until her uncle began molesting her, under water, while swimming at the southern beach where both families lived. In all her childhood photos she is frowning.
Now: Adrienne, at twenty, dates boys who exploit her, drinks to excess, and uses combinations of drugs to attempt to sleep at night. She was raped as a teen, has had anorexia for two years, dropped out of college, and is generally depressed. (Anorexia nervosa, often simply called anorexia, is an eating disorder in which the person drastically restricts her food intake, becoming dangerously thin out of a distorted fear of becoming fat. Untreated, the person may die of starvation.)
Audrey
Then: Audrey remembers first being molested on a changing table when she was an infant and later, as a child aged five to eight, by her father. She remembers being aroused and experiencing what she later learned was an orgasm. She felt a peculiar attachment to her father that she did not understand.
Now: Audrey dropped out of high school when she was sixteen. She had no girl friends and turned to boys for friendship and sex. She went through a period of anorexia nervosa. She came to treatment at age twenty-four. She uses cocaine and marijuana, and drinks alcohol to excess, sometimes in combination. She cannot keep a regular job and frequently becomes verbally and physically enraged at others.
Jen
Then: Jen represents an unusual case in that what she experienced was not intentionally perpetrated abuse. She was diagnosed as suffering from urinary reflux, which causes urine to back up to the kidneys, leading to frequent kidney infections. Unchecked this would eventually damage her kidneys, requiring surgery. In an attempt to avoid surgery, the urologist catheterized Jen from ages seven to eleven, on a monthly basis for several hours. She found this treatment embarrassing, terrifying, and painful -- in short, she experienced it as sexual assault. At eleven, Jen had to undergo the deferred surgery anyway.
Now: At nineteen, Jen cuts herself and dresses seductively. In her relationships with men, she is dependent and they treat her sadistically. She is a compulsive shopper, and despite the unlimited financial resources of her family, she also shoplifts, for which she has been arrested once. She dissociates (losing conscious awareness of her surroundings) for hours at a time, suffers from derealization (feeling unable to be present in the moment or current situation), and blacks out. She crashed the family car during one such episode. Her feelings about people change mercurially from liking them to disliking them.
June
Then: From five to twelve years of age, June was molested by her brother. In addition, he drilled holes in her bathroom wall to spy on her. The molestation was done in a seductive manner, and she experienced arousal during these episodes. At other times he would physically abuse her, tie her up, and hit her. Her brother's treatment of her was inconsistent: he would praise her when she brought home good grades.
Now: June came to treatment for anorexia at age twenty-seven. She explained she is only attracted to abusive men, some of whom exploit her financially. She is in the process of divorcing her husband. Kind men do not arouse her sexually. At our second session she tells me she fears I will become bored with her, will dislike her, will decide not to treat her, and will abuse her. (Despite her fears, she stays in treatment continuously for seven years.)
It boggles my mind how many of the different reactions to abuse listed above I've lived through and was plagued with over the years. Though I haven't been in a relationship since I've undergone therapies and finally healed my soul, one thing I know for sure is that I won't go back to anything less than a comfortable, loving, tender, full of fun and laughs, spiritual connection with a mate. And if the Universe has other plans...if I should remain single for the rest of my life...at least I LOVE MYSELF and have regained the self-esteem I was born with.
AMEN to that, Sisters!
P.S.: You'll find "Stolen Tomorrows" at Amazon.com.
