Anxiety Buster Bonbons: Date Rape

It's happened to me more than once.

I thought for many years that it was my fault. That I had it coming to me because of the way I dressed, the way I acted, the way I drank.

But I know better now.

And I want all young people to know that date rape is RAPE, period.

In The Truth About Rape -- a book intended for teenagers -- the authors make this clear. They point out that when most people think of rape, they think of stranger rape, where the victim is stalked, followed, and attacked by someone he or she did not know.

But more than 80 percent of all reported rapes are committed by an acquaintance and can occur at home or away from home. Usually, the victim trusts the assailant.

Similar to acquaintance rape are date rape and partner rape. More than 60 percent of acquaintance rapes take place during a date. In most cases, an accused rapist, abuser, or defendant never admits he or she has committed an act against someone or even that he or she committed a crime. Assailants may also deny ever physically or sexually hurting anyone. When a sexual assault is reported and the abuser identified, abusers may admit that they did it but try to make it sound as if the victim consented or "wanted it." The abuser might say that the victim "deserved it."

The authors go on to say that beliefs about rape vary according to the type of rape that occurred. Most people would not consider the victim to blame if the rape was perpetrated by a stranger. However, if the rapist is known to the victim, the woman is more likely to be blamed.

Some people believe that when someone is sexually assaulted or raped, the man or the woman somehow "asked for it" by dressing in revealing clothing, flirting, or showing signs of encouragement.

Here are some of the myths and misinformation about date rape:

"Maybe" means "yes."
If a woman has previously been sexually active, she will probably be willing to have sex with other men.
If a woman agrees to any sexual contact, including kissing or fondling, she has agreed to "go all the way."
If a woman has had sex with a man once, she will be willing to have sex again.
Buying dinner or gifts entitles a man to have sex with his date.
Date rape is the result of miscommunication.
Rape happens only when a stranger forces a woman to have sexual intercourse.
Rape occurs only when there is physical violence or a physical struggle.

PREVENTING DATE RAPE

Psychologists and other counselors suggest that individuals take special precautions at parties and other gatherings. Those precautions include:

Watching while a beverage is poured or accepting drinks only from bottles or cans that partygoers have opened for themselves.
Never leaving a beverage unattended.
Avoiding alcohol or drugs while on a date.
Calling a friend if feeling sick or dizzy after drinking and, if necessary, calling 911.

Some experts suggest that women:

Meet in public places on the first few dates with someone they don't know well.
Do not go to a date's car or home or to their own home if they will be alone there.
Plan to take public transportation home or arrange to have someone they know pick them up after a date.
Set sexual limits and make their dates aware of those limits.
Clearly communicate their expectations to their dates.
Stay sober. It is easier to be in control of a stiuation when one is not under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
Trust their instincts. If a woman feels uneasy or threatened in a situation, she should get away as quickly as possible. There is no need to explain or find an excuse to leave if one feels uncomfortable.

If you or someone you know is a victim of a date rape, psychologists and other health-care professionals suggest the following:

Go to a friend's place. If there is no one to go to, call someone you can talk to, no matter how late it is.
Get medical attention. Do not shower, bathe, or change your clothing first. Go to a hospital or health center to be examined and treated for possible venereal disease. There may also be internal injuries. If you decide to press charges, physical specimens collected soon after the rape may be valuable evidence.
Report the attack even if you do not plan to file charges. Someone who has raped once is likely to rape again. If you turn the rapist in, you may save someone else from being attacked.
Get help and support. You have been through a trauma and need help to deal with the situation and your feelings. People who seek counselling get over their experiences faster and with fewer lasting effects than those who do not get help.

It's a sad world when one cannot go out on a date without having to worry about being raped. Especially when you're out with someone you've known for weeks, months, years even.

But better to be safe than sorry.

So be careful.
Tell your kids, your friends.
Share this information.

And be well, my friends!

Love always,
Mudd
xoxo

To buy The Truth About Rape by Judith Harper, Kathryn Hilgenkamp, Laura Kittross, and Mark J. Kittleson, Ph. D., go to Amazon.com by clicking here.