Managing Panic Attacks -- You Can Do It!

Rate Your Anxiety Level

According to the McKinley Health Center, you can manage your panic attacks by rating your anxiety level. Doing this exercise regularly will help you understand and manage your symptoms.

Here are the common signs and symptoms:

• Shortness of breath
• Dizziness, unsteadiness, or faintness
• Trembling or shaking
• A feeling of choking
• Sweating
• Nausea and abdominal distress
• Blurry vision
• Depersonalization, or a feeling of unreality - as if you are "not all there"
• Numbness or tingling in hands and feet
• Hot and cold flashes
• Chest pain and discomfort
• Fears of losing control or even death

Coping techniques include deep breathing:

• Practice slow, gentle breathing on a regular basis, even when you are not feeling anxious. This will help you when you really do need to implement this practice.
• Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, expanding your diaphragm. A good tip is your stomach should rise and then fall as you exhale through your mouth.
• When you exhale, use positive self-talk. Tell yourself, "I am relaxed and calm."
• After a few moments, your symptoms may not be as severe as they originally were. This is because you have lowered your anxiety level and are beginning to relax.
• Practice this style of breathing two or three times per day.
• Breathing properly can be one of the most important factors in managing the symptoms of anxiety.

For more information on how to rate your anxiety, consult Anxiety and Panic: What You Need to Know

Also, check out the Self-rating Anxiety Scale and answer 20 questions related to the frequency of various symptoms.

Manage Your Stress

Elisabeth Scott's take on breathing and how it can help you overcome anxiety is another site to visit if you are willing to take the time and make the necessary efforts to free yourself from panic attacks.

A life coach, writer, wife, mother, pianist, and Mensa member, Elisabeth is also a karate enthusiast. She says that all it takes are a few minutes, a quiet place, and a willing mind to get yourself on the road to freedom. Here's her simple karate breathing meditation:

1. Sit in a comfortable position. While most martial artists use the ‘seiza’ (“say zah”) position, with legs beneath the buttocks with knees directly in front, many people find this position to be uncomfortable. If this is the case, you may also sit cross-legged ('anza') or in another position that’s more comfortable for you.
2. Close your eyes, but keep your back straight, shoulders relaxed, head up, your eyes (behind your lids) focused ahead.
3. Take a deep, cleansing breath, expanding your belly and keeping your shoulders relaxed, and hold it in for the count of six. Exhale, and repeat twice more. Then breathe normally, and focus your attention on your breathing. As you breathe, inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth, still expanding your belly rathern than moving your shoulders up and down.
4. If your thoughts drift toward the stresses of the day ahead or of the day behind you, gently refocus on your breathing and remain in the present moment. Feel the air move in, and feel the air move out. That’s it.
5. Continue this for as little or as long as you like, and you should notice that your body is more relaxed and your mind is more centered. Enjoy the rest of your day!

Be sure to read her tips concerning the karate meditation.

Nap! Nap!

"Imagine yourself in a perfect world. Your mood is positive. Your brain is operating at maximum efficiency. Your body feels healthy, energetic and agile. You have enough time to complete all the tasks at hand and still enjoy the company of family and friends. Every one of your goals is attainable."

These are the opening words to "Take a Nap! Change Your Life" written by Sara C. Mednick. Don't they make you drool? Don't you wish you could beam yourself up and live in this perfect world?

Well, according to Ms. Mednick, Ph.D., Utopia is but a nap away from becoming reality.

After conducting a series of studies at Harvard (2002-2003), the author and her colleagues proved that certain kinds of naps can produce improvements previously observed only after a full night of sleep. In other words, they could create "designer naps" that would allow students, mothers, the elderly and nine-to-fivers to tailor their own regimens to suit their individual needs.

If you're thinking, "Give me one good reason why I should nap," here's an excerpt from the book that is sure to answer your question.

Napping will allow you to:

1. Increase your alertness. This is, for many, the most important benefit. Whether you're on the road, observing market trends, diagnosing patients or interacting with clients, staying alert is the most important determinant of your efficiency. NASA studies have conclusively demonstrated that alertness increases by as much as 100 percent after a brief nap, even in well-rested subjects.

2. Speed up your motor performance. While most people think of motor learning in terms of an ability to play guitar chords, improve a swim stroke or perform a plié, you don't have to be a musician, athlete or dancer to benefit from faster motor performance. All of us engage in tasks that involve coordination, whether we're typing at a keyboard, operating machinery, changing a tire or bagging groceries. A Harvard study demonstrated that the speed of a learned motor performance is the same in nappers as in those who have had a full night of sleep.

3. Improve your accuracy. Making mistakes costs time, money, energy and sometimes even people's lives. While greater speed usually involves sacrificing accuracy, napping offers a valuable exemption from this general rule. So whether you shoot baskets or firearms, play sonatas or golf, cut diamonds or hair, a nap helps you get it right.

4. Make better decisions. What are you going to eat for lunch? Should you ask for a raise or wait awhile? What stock should you buy? Or should you sell? Every day, all day, we make decisions -- both trivial and huge. Of course, some decisions are so significant that lives can hang in the balance. Airplane takeoffs and landings require high-precision timing and the ability to read, monitor and react to a wide variety of controls. Pilots who are allowed to nap in the cockpit commit fewer judgment errors on takeoff and landings than those who aren't.

5. Improve your perception. Think how much you depend on your eyes, your ears and, to a lesser extent, your taste, touch and smell. Without the ability to fine-tune your sensory/perceptual systems, you wouldn't be able to hone in on the important environmental messages and filter out the mass of distracting sensory information that bombards all of us on a regular basis. Research shows that a nap can be as effective as a night of sleep in improvement of perceptual skills. Driving, cooking, appreciating music or art, reading, proofreading, quality control and even bird-watching are all enhanced after a nap.

6. Fatten your bottom line. Fatigue-related accidents cost U.S. industry over $150 million a year. Businesses that allow their employees to nap have shown decreases in errors and increases in productivity. According to the Shiftwork Practices survey issued in 2004 by Circadian Technologies, workmen's comp costs are highest where employees report the most fatigue, and claims at facilities that ban napping are four times higher than those that allow it. Judged by this standard, naps are a bargain.

7. Preserve your youthful looks. Nothing ages you like fatigue. Adding a nap to your regimen will improve skin and tissue regeneration and keeps you looking younger longer. Napping is truly beauty sleep.

8. Improve your sex life. Sleep deprivation dampens sex drive and sexual function. Napping reverses those effects. So nap now and your partner will love you more later.

9. Lose weight. Studies show that sleepy people reach for high-fat, sugar-rich foods more than people who are rested. Take a nap and not only can you resist those potato chips and cheesecake, but you'll be producing more growth hormone that reduces body fat.

The author goes on, listing eleven other reasons why we should nap -- from reducing heart attacks and strokes to reducing stress, boosting creativity, helping your memory, and alleviating migraines, ulcers, and other problems with psychological components.

If you want to learn more about designing your personal nap regimen, you can find Sara C. Mednick's excellent book, "Take a Nap! Change Your Life -- The Scientific Plan to Make You Smarter, Healthier, More Productive, " at Amazon.com.

Deal With Stress...Before it Deals You Out!

Finding ways to relax - any time, any place - is finding the Holy Grail of Happiness. That's why applying relaxation techniques in the workplace can be just what the doctor ordered. We all know how easily we can be sucked into Job Hell, so make it a habit to stop at least every other hour...and BREATHE.


I took a quick look around and found a site that offers a step by step guide to relax at your desk.

The article is - amazingly - titled How To Relax at Your Desk,
and if you can get your sweaty, trembling hand to click HERE,
you'll instantly find relief.


Now see how much better you feel...
Sweeeeeeeeeet!


Hugs,
Mudd
xoxo

Eating Disorder? Get Help!

If you’ve already faced the fact that you have an eating disorder, or if you find you might be falling into an eating pattern that just might be detrimental to your health, then maybe it’s time for you to seek help.

Caringonline could be the place to start.

Right off the bat, you’ll find a short video
on anorexia.

And if you want to delve even deeper into the complex world of anorexia, bulimia, binge and compulsive overeating, there's a Questionnaires link that will connect you to several health tests, surveys, and evaluations.

Here are a few of the other topics you’ll find on Caringonline:

• Body Image - How you see yourself
  
• Cutting, Self-Mutilation - And eating disorders
• Osteoporosis - Eating Disorders and Osteoporosis
• Physiology - How eating disorders affect the body

So please, stop kidding yourself.
Because you're hurting yourself.

Get help NOW!

Big hugs,
Mudd
xoxo

I'm Back!

Hello Dear Friends,

Well, it's been a long time, hasn't it?
Oh yeah...

But you know what, it's good to take a break now and then. Personally, the last months away from this little cyberhome have made me realize how much I really want and need to share my views and experiences here.

So let's get the ball rolling!

Lots of love and a very special reunion hug,
Mudd
xoxo

TREASURE MAPS

Hello Sweet People!

Last summer, I spoke of Shakti Gawain's superb book Living in The Light, A Guide to Personal and Planetary Transformation (re: August 26 and 27, 2006). While working through Walking in this World in my Diarrhea of Love blog, and ever since doing the collage called for in Week Three, I've been thinking about Shakti's Treasure Maps.

In Creative Visualization, Use The Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life, Shakti teaches the art of using mental imagery and affirmations to produce positive changes in your life. It's filled with meditations, exercises, and techniques that can help you use the power of your imagination in order to

• change negative habit patterns
  
• improve self-esteem
  
• reach career goals
  
• increase prosperity
  
• develop creativity
  
• increase vitality
  
• improve your health
  
• experience deep relaxation
  
• and much more
  

The mind's the limit...not the sky. And this book shows you how to expand your mind and reach way beyond what you thought your limits were.

TREASURE MAPS are one of the fun ways of doing this. Here's an excerpt taken from Shakti's book that explains this very powerful technique:

A treasure map is an actual, physical picture of your desired reality. It is valuable because it forms an especially clear, sharp image which can then attract and focus energy into your goal. It works along the same lines as a blueprint for a building.

You can make a treasure map by drawing or painting it, or by making a collage using pictures and words cut from magazines, books or cards, photographs, drawings, and so on. Don't worry if you're not artistically accomplished. Simple, childlike treasure maps are just as effective as great works of art!

Basically the treasure map should show you in your ideal scene, with your goal fully realized.

Here are some guidelines that will help you make the most effective treasure maps:

1. Create a treasure map for a single goal or area of your life, so that you can be sure to include all the elements without getting too complicated. This enables the mind to focus on it more clearly and easily than if you include all your goals on one treasure map. You might want to do one treasure map for your relationships, one for your job, one for your spiritual growth, and so on.

2. You can make it any size that's convenient for you. You may want to keep it in your notebook, hang it on your wall, or carry it in your pocket or purse. I usually make mine on light cardboard, which holds up better than paper.

3. Be sure to put yourself in the picture. For a very realistic effect, use a photograph of yourself. Otherwise draw yourself in. Show yourself being, doing, or having your desired objective -- traveling around the world, wearing your new clothes, or being the proud author of your new book.

4. Show the situation in its ideal, complete form, as if it already exists. You don't need to indicate how it's going to come about. This is the finished product. Don't show anything negative or undesirable.

5. Use lots of colour in your treasure map to increase the power on your consciousness.

6. Show yourself in a real setting: make it look believable to yourself.

7. Include some symbol of the infinite which has meaning and power for you. It could be an "om" sign, a cross, Christ, Buddha, a sun radiating light, or anything that represents universal intelligence or God. This is an acknowledgment and a reminder that everything comes from the infinite source.

8. Put affirmations on your treasure map. "Here I am driving my new hybrid gas and electric car."

Be sure to also include the cosmic affirmation:

This, or something better, now manifests for me in totally satisfying and harmonious ways, for the highest good of all concerned.

The process of creating your treasure map is a powerful step toward manifesting your goal. Now just spend a few minutes each day quietly looking at it, and every once in a while throughout the day give it a thought. That is all that's necessary.

SOME SAMPLE IDEAS FOR TREASURE MAPS
taken from Shakti Gawain's book, CREATIVE VISUALIZATION

Health

Show yourself radiantly healthy, active, beautiful, participating in whatever activities would indicate perfect health.

Weight or Physical Condition

Show yourself with your perfect body, feeling wonderful about yourself (cut a picture from a magazine that looks like you would look in your perfect condition, and paste a photo of your head on the body!). You can make statements with balloons around them coming out of your mouth like in cartoons, to indicate how you are feeling, such as, "I feel wonderful and look fantastic now that I weigh 125 pounds, and am in great physical condition."

Self-Image and Beauty

Show yourself as you want to feel about yourself...beautiful, relaxed, enjoying life, warm and loving. Include words and symbols that represent these qualities to you.

Relationships

Put photos of yourself and your friend, lover, husband, wife, family member, or co-worker in your treasure map, with pictures, symbols, and affirmations showing that you are happy, loving, communicating, enjoying a deep, wonderful sexual relationship, or whatever is appropriate and desirable for that relationship. If you are looking for a new relationship, find pictures and words that represent qualities you desire in the person and the relationship; show yourself with the ideal person for you.

Job or Career

Show yourself doing what you really want to do, with interesting, agreeable co-workers, earning plenty of money (be specific about how much you want), in the location you desire, and any other pertinent details.

Creativity

Use symbols, colours, and pictures that indicate your creativity is really opening up. Show yourself doing and manifesting creative, beautiful, interesting things and feeling great about them.

Family and Friends

Show members of your family or friends in totally harmonious, loving relationships with you and each other.

Travel

Show yourself wherever you want to be, with plenty of time and money to enjoy your location.

And so on.
You get the idea.
HAVE FUN!

A reminder that you can purchase Shakti's books at Amazon.com.
or buy them directly on her website.

technorati tags:affirmations, visualization, creativity, goals, healing

DESCANSOS

Clarissa Pinkola Estés is a Jungian analyst and cantadora,
a collector and teller of stories.

In her bestselling book, Women Who Run With The Wolves, Estés uses nineteen folk tales to empower and enlighten women. She attempts to reconnect us with the Wild Woman hidden somewhere deep within each of us.

The Wild Woman is not wild in the sense of being crazy, angry or out-of-control, she is wild because she has not lost her connection to life, death and rebirth--or, to put it more simply, nature.

Estes' book will show you where you have lost touch with your heart, your guts, your creativity, your wildness--your life! The stories she presents, and her insightful analysis of those stories, will gently lead you back to yourself.

Here, now, is an excerpt from Women Who Run With The Wolves:

I would like to introduce you to the concept of Descansos. If you ever traveled in Old Mexico, New Mexico, southern Colorado, Arizona, or parts of the South, you've seen little white crosses by the roadway. These are descansos, resting places. You'll also find them on the edges of cliffs along particularly scenic but dangerous roads in Greece, Italy, and other Mediterranean countries. Sometimes crosses are clustered in twos or threes or fives. People's names are inscribed upon them -- Jesus Mendez, Arturo Beunofuentes, Jeannie Abeyta. Sometimes the names are spelled out in nails, sometimes they are painted on or carved into the wood.

Descansos are symbols that mark a death. Right there, right on that spot, someone's journey in life halted unexpectedly. There has been a car accident, or someone was walking along the road and died of heat exhaustion, or a fight took place there. Something happened there that altered that person's life and the lives of other persons forever.

Women have died a thousand deaths before they are twenty years old. They've gone in this direction or that, and have been cut off. They have hopes and dreams that have been cut off also. Anyone who says otherwise is still asleep. All that is grist for the mill of descansos.

While all these things deepen individuation, differentiation, growing up and growing out, blossoming, becoming awake and aware and conscious, they are also profound tragedies and have to be grieved as such.

To make descansos means taking a look at your life and marking where the small deaths, las muertes chicitas, and the big deaths, las muertes grandotas, have taken place. I like to make a time-line of a woman's life on a big long sheet of white butcher paper, and to mark with a cross the places along the graph, starting with her infancy all the way to the present where parts and pieces of her self and her life have died.

We mark where there were roads not taken, paths that were cut off, ambushes, betrayals and deaths. I put a little cross along the time-line at the places that should have been mourned, or still need to be mourned. And then I write in the backgroung "forgotten" for those things that the woman senses but have not yet surfaced. I also write "forgiven" over those things the woman has for the most part released.

I encourage you to make descansos, to sit down with a time-line of your life and say "Where are the crosses? Where are the places that must be remembered, must be blessed?" In all are meanings that you've brought forward into your life today. They must be remembered, but they must be forgotten at the same time. It takes time. And patience.

Descansos is a conscious practice that takes pity on and gives honour to the orphaned dead of your psyche, laying them to rest at last.

Be gentle with yourself and make the descansos, the resting places for the aspects of yourself that were on their way to somewhere, but never arrived. Descansos mark the death sites, the dark times, but they are also love notes to your suffering. They are transformative. There is a lot to be said for pinning things to the earth so they don't follow us around. There is a lot to be said for laying them to rest.

You can buy Women Who Run With The Wolves at Amazon.com.

TOXIC SHAME

Rummaging through my boxes of documents yesterday, I was surprised and delighted to find this book, which I call a classic: HOMECOMING - Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child.

The author, John Bradshaw, was my very first Personal Development Guru. Back when HOMECOMING came out -- in 1990 -- he was already referred to as "America's Leading Personal Growth Expert." The creator and host of four nationally broadcast PBS television series based on his best-selling books, Mr. Bradshaw introduced the concept of the "Wounded Inner Child", and familiarized us with the term "dysfunctional family."

His works include, among others, Family Secrets: The Path to Self-Acceptance and Reunion, The Family: A New Way of Creating Solid Self-Esteem, Creating Love: The Next Great Stage of Growth, and Healing the Shame that Binds You: Recovery Classics Edition.

You can view a wide selection of his books at Amazon.com.

For John Bradshaw's schedule of lectures and workshops, visit the Center for Creative Growth.

Here now is what I find a very touching excerpt from HOMECOMING. It ends a chapter dealing with the spiritual wound caused by sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. I hope it resonates with you also.

MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

I was there at your conception
In the epinephrine of your mother's shame
You felt me in the fluid of your mother's womb
I came upon you before you could speak
Before you understood
Before you had any way of knowing
I came upon you when you were learning to walk
When you were unprotected and exposed
When you were vulnerable and needy
Before you had any bounderies
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

I came upon you when you were magical
Before you could know I was there
I severed your soul
I pierced you to the core
I brought you feelings of being flawed and defective
I brought you feelings of distrust, ugliness, stupidity, doubt,
worhtlessness, inferiority, and unworthiness
I made you feel different
I told you there was something wrong with you
I soiled your Godlikeness
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

I existed before conscience
Before guilt
Before morality
I am the master emotion
I am the internal voice that whispers words of condemnation
I am the internal shudder that courses through you without any mental preparation
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

I live in secrecy
In the deep moist banks of darkness, depression, and despair
Always I sneak up on you I catch you off guard I come through the back door
Uninvited unwanted
The first to arrive
I was there at the beginning of time
With Father Adam, Mother Eve
Brother Cain
I was at the Tower of Babel the Slaughter of the Innocents
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

I come from "shameless" caretakers, abandonment, ridicule, abuse, neglect -- perfectionistic systems
I am empowered by the shocking intensity of a parent's rage
The cruel remarks of siblings
The jeering humiliation of other children
The awkward reflection of the mirrors
The touch that feels icky and frightening
The slap, the pinch, the jerk that ruptures trust
I am intensified by
A racist, sexist culture
The righteous condemnation of religious bigots
The fears and pressures of schooling
The hypocrisy of politicians
The multigenerational shame of dysfunctional family systems
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

I bring a pain that is chronic
A pain that will not go away
I am the hunter that stalks you night and day
Every day everywhere
I have no boundaries
You try to hide from me
But you cannot
Because I live inside of you
I make you feel hopeless
Like there is no way out
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

My pain is so unbearable that you must pass me on to others
through control, perfectionism, contempt, criticism, blame,
envy, judgment, power, and rage
My pain is so intense
You must cover me up with addictions, rigid roles, reenactment,
and unconscious ego defenses
My pain is so intense
That you must numb out and no longer feel me
I convinced you that I am gone -- that I do not exist -- you
experience absence and emptiness
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

I am the core of co-dependency
I am spiritual bankruptcy
The logic of absurdity
The repetition compulsion
I am crime, violence, incest, rape
I am the voracious hole that fuels all addictions
I am insatiability and lust
I am Ahaverus the Wandering Jew, Wagner's Flying Dutchman,
Dostoyevski's underground man, Kierkegaard's seducer,
Goethe's Faust
I twist who you are into what you do and have
I murder your soul and you pass me on for generations
MY NAME IS TOXIC SHAME

Winter Blues

They call it SAD.

And indeed it can be...very sad.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is recognized today as a distinct form of depression. It is a proven fact that changes in the weather and the seasons alter our brain chemistry and can affect how we feel, how we sleep, what we eat, and how well we cope with the everyday demands of our careers and relationships.

Some people feel as though they have entered a period of hibernation: overeating, oversleeping, and withdrawing from the world. Others lose their appetites and find themselves restless and agitated.

In its milder forms, we call SAD the "winter blues."
In its most severe forms, it can render one
virtually dysfunctional.

Millions of people feel the effects of SAD, but four
times as many women than men are likely to be
afflicted by it. Adults between the ages of twenty
and forty are the most susceptible.

Are you SAD?

Take this test to find out.

WHEN THE SEASONS CHANGE:

1. Do you find you have less energy than usual?

2. Do you feel less productive or creative?

3. Do you feel sad, down, or depressed?

4. Do you feel less enthusiastic about the future
or enjoy your life less?

5. Do you need more sleep than usual?

6. Do you feel you have no control over your
appetite or your weight?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you may be one of the many men and women who suffer from seasonal affective disorder.

But do not despair, there is hope in the air!

A pioneer in the field of seasonal studies, Dr. Norman E. Rosenthal has written Seasons of the Mind, Why You Get The Winter Blues & What You Can Do About It. Dr. Rosenthal describes his remarkable "light therapy" and offers inspiring case histories of its success with hundreds of SAD patients. He explains how to assess your own level of SAD, when to seek medical advice, and how to secure your own light therapy.

Also included are alternative treatments, a diet plan to curb cravings unique to SAD sufferers, advice for family and friends of SAD individuals, and practical tips and professional advice on living with SAD.

Here is an excerpt:

MORE LIGHT

The benefit of increasing environmental light can be obtained not only from formal therapy in front of a light box, but whenever your environment is brighter. Some people have several light boxes in the house, which gives them more exposure without the feeling of being trapped in one location. It is not critical for the extra light to come from special boxes. Enhancing light levels at home or in the workplace may be helpful, even if this is accomplished by installing more lights on the ceiling or placing more lamps in the room.

Modifications of the home to increase indoor light levels may be as simple as trimming hedges around the windows or low-lying branches of trees near the house, or as elaborate as constructing skylights. Using bright colors and surfaces can also be effective. Dark wood paneling can be replaced with light-colored wallpaper. Splashes of yellow and orange on curtains and cushions seem to be popular with some people, while others choose white or off-white carpeting and furnishings. SAD patients buying new homes should pay attention to the size of the windows and the directions that the rooms face.

Exposure to natural light can be both enjoyable and therapeutic. This applies to lunchtime walks on sunny winter days or sunlight reflected from snow. Some people have chosen to work the evening shift, which allows them to enjoy as much outdoor sunshine as possible.

Once you pay attention to the amount and quality of your environmental light, you will come up with all kinds of ways to enhance it, which will help you feel more comfortable and cheerful.

Available at Amazon.com

Also from the same author, Winter Blues.

Revised and udated, available at Amazon.com

Mood Therapy

"In clear, simple language, FEELING GOOD, The New Mood Therapy, outlines a drug-free cure for anxiety, guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem, and other "black holes" of depression."

What an introduction! After reading David D. Burns' book, I must say it does contain a treasure of information and tips to help you discover how to:

• Recognize what causes your mood swings
• Nip negative feelings in the bud
• Deal with guilt
• Handle hostility and criticism
• Overcome love and approval addiction
• Beat "do-nothingism" ( LOVE that term!)
• Defuse anger
• Overcome perfectionism
• Cope with stress
• Avoid downward spiral of depression
• Build self-esteem
• Feel good every day

Here's a good excerpt -- and food for thought...

Ten Things You Should Know About Your Anger

1. The events of this world don't make you angry. Your "hot thoughts" create your anger. Even when a genuinely negative event occurs, it is the meaning you attach to it that determines your emotional response.

The idea that you are responsible for your anger is ultimately to your advantage because it gives you the opportunity to achieve control and make a free choice about how you want to feel. If it weren't for this, you would be helpless to control your emotions; they would be irreversibly bound up with every external event of this world, most of which are ultimately out of your control.

2. Most of the time your anger will not help you. It will immobilize you, and you will become frozen in your hostility to no productive purpose. You will feel better if you place your emphasis on the active search for creative solutions. What can you do to correct the difficulty or at least reduce the chance that you'll get burned in the same way in the future? This attitude will eliminate to a certain extent the helplessness and frustration that eat you up when you feel you can't deal with a situation effectively.

If no solution is possible because the provocation is totally beyond your control, you will only make your self miserable with your resentment, so why not get rid of it? It's difficult if not impossible to feel anger and joy simultaneously. If you think your angry feelings are especially precious and important, then think about one of the happiest moments of your life. Now ask yourself, How many minutes of that period of peace or jubilation would I be willing to trade in for feeling frustration and irritation instead?

3. The thoughts that generate anger more often than not will contain distortions. Correcting these distortions will reduce your anger.

4. Ultimately your anger is caused by your belief that someone is acting unfairly or some event is unjust. The intensity of the anger will increase in proportion to the severity of the maliciousness perceived and if the act is seen as intentional.

5. If you learn to see the world through other people's eyes, you will often be surprised to realize their actions are not unfair from their point of view. The unfairness in these cases turns out to be an illusion that exists only in your mind! If you are willing to let go of the unrealistic notion that your concepts of truth, justice, and fairness are shared by everyone, much of your resentment and frustration will vanish.

6. Other people usually do not feel they deserve your punishment. Therefore, your retaliation is unlikely to help you achieve any positive goals in your interactions with them. Your rage will often just cause further deterioration and polarization, and will function as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even if you temporarily get what you want, any short-term gains from such hostile manipulation will often be more than counterbalanced by a long-term resentment and retaliation from the people you are coercing. No one likes to be controlled or forced. This is why a positive reward system works better.

7. A great deal of your anger involves your defense against loss of self-esteem when people criticize you, disagree with you, or fail to behave as you want them to. Such anger is always inappropriate because only your own negative distorted thoughts can cause you to lose self-esteem. When you blame the other guy for your feelings of worthlessness, you are always fooling yourself.

8. Frustration results from unmet expectations. Since the event that disappointed you was a part of "reality," it was "realistic." Thus, your frustration always results from your unrealistic expectation. You have the right to try to influence reality to bring it more in line with your expectations, but this is not always practical, especially when these expectations represent ideals that don't correspond to everyone else's concept of human nature. The simplest solution would be to change your expectations.

For example, some unrealistic expectations that lead to frustration include:

a. If I want something (love, happiness, a promotion, etc.), I deserve it.

b. If I work hard at something, I should be successful.

c. Other people should try to measure up to my standards and believe in my concept of "fairness."

d. I should be able to solve any problems quickly and easily.

e. If I'm a good wife, my husband is bound to love me.

f. People should think and act the way I do.

g. If I'm nice to someone, they should reciprocate.

9. It is just childish pouting to insist you have the right to be angry. Of course you do! Anger is legally permitted in the United States. The crucial issue is -- is it to your advantage to feel angry? Will you or the world really benefit from your rage?

10. You rarely need your anger in order to be human. It is not true that you will be an unfeeling robot without it. In fact, when you rid yourself of that sour irritability, you will feel greater zest, joy, peace, and productivity. You will experience liberation and enlightenment.

You can buy the book at Barnes & Noble.

There's even a Feeling Good Handbook.

Here's how Barnes and Noble describes it: Filled with charts, quizzes, weekly self-assessment tests, and a daily mood log, The Feeling Good Handbook actively engages its readers in their own recovery. With a new section on the latest prescription drugs for treating depression and anxiety disorders, The Feeling Good Handbook is an indispensable guide to help change thinking, control mood swings, deal with disasters, and feel better about yourself and those around you.

So next time you feel anger coming on,
think about Feeling Good instead!

Love you,
Mudd
xoxox

Pity Parties

In her book -- I'D RATHER LAUGH, How to Be Happy Even When Life Has Other Plans for You -- Linda Richman teaches us that the human spirit is always capable of laughter, even after great sorrow.

Wayne W. Dyer: "Linda Richman's life proves what wise people have always known -- that every person can create and sustain joy. She also shows, beautifully and with a heart and soul filled with love, that the search for meaning starts and ends with you."

The following excerpt is taken from Chapter 6:

How to Throw a Pity Party

"People think that because I have endured a lot of pain I will have a great deal to say on the subject, including a few words of magic healing.

They're out of luck.

Here's all I know about pain: Nobody wants any, and everybody gets some. That's all anybody knows about pain right there in one little sentence.

You sure don't want any, am I correct? And no wonder! Pain hurts.

...

People ask me, "When the pain gets too hard to bear, how do you fight it?"

"I don't," I say.

"You don't?"

"I give in," I tell them.

"You what?"

"I give in," I say.

If I wake up and feel down and sad and depressed, I explain, I cancel everything for the next day or so. I don't take a shower, and I don't wash my hair. I don't even leave my bed except when nature requires me to. I grab two bags of potato chips, I pull the covers over my head, and I lie there feeling sorry for myself. I weep. I curse. I suffer -- not just a little. A lot. I suffer as much as is humanly possible. I suffer more in two days than most people do in a year. I do everything I can to make myself feel as bad and sad as possible.

Nobody throws a pity party like I do.

"And then what happens?" they ask.

"On the third day," I tell them, "I get up."

"You get up?"

On the third day, I say, whether I want to or not, I get out of bed, I take a shower, I wash my hair, I put on makeup and get the hell out of the house. That's the key to the whole thing. That's my brilliant solution. You allow yourself to behave like an insane person for exactly two days. Two days is healthy. Two days is healing.

Three days is dangerous.

Two days is a beneficial method of dealing with your pain so you can get over it a little. Three days is a running start on the road to agoraphobia -- take it from someone who's been there and done that. So on the third day, like Jesus Christ, you get up, get dressed, get going.

"Huh!" they say. Sometimes their mouths hang open a little.

It sounds like the worst advice any sad person has ever gotten, doesn't it? It sounds like a good excuse to let your troubles turn you into a zombie. But it has the opposite effect. Rather than spend every day feeling halfway undone by sadness and depression, rather than go through life always feeling gloomy and preoccupied by loss, I pack most of my suffering into just a few days. Those pity parties have an amazingly positive influence on the rest of my life. I always leave those parties feeling great.

The idea for pity parties came to me from something I learned during the therapy that cured my agoraphobia. The shrinks told us that if we wanted to conquer our fears, we had to flood our emotions with them. Instead of protecting ourselves from anxiety -- which is a natural impulse, isn't it? -- we had to practically bathe in it. Because you can't live in extreme terror all the time. Your mind just can't operate that way.

I use the same general principle at my pity parties. There are certain days of the year when I really feel the sadness and pain of losing Jordan (1) most sharply. On those days, I don't try to fight it. I don't tell myself to be brave and strong and responsible. I just give in. I bathe my brain in pity.

But you really have to do it right. You have to suffer like nobody ever suffered. A few sniffles and some staring out the window won't do it. You've got to drop the bomb on yourself. You've got to scorch the earth."

(1) Jordon is Linda's son who was killed in an auto accident at age 29.

Want to read some more? Go to Excerpts.

To buy the book, go to Amazon.com.

It's even out in DVD, as a 60-minute program.

Buy it from Video Universe -- here's what they say about it:

Linda Richman, Summa cum Laude graduate of the School of Hard Knocks, and inspiration for the SNL sketch "Coffee Talk" (she's Mike Myer's mother-in-law), hosts this program designed to help those experiencing personal harships. Ms. Richman shares her own experiences, and in doing so, she offers valuable advice on how to weather stress, life altering transitions, and loss, aided by her distinct and empowering sense of humor. Originally a PBS special, this version included footage that never aired with the original program.

Lots of love and laughs,
Mudd
xoxox

technorati tags:depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, loss, healing

Trouble Sleeping? -- Schedule Some Worry Time!

Hello Beautiful Souls!

Here's an interesting read: No More Sleepless Nights,
Conquer Insomnia with: A Natural, Drug-Free Program,
A Sleep-Log Self-Exam, Stress-Reduction Techniques,
Improved Diet, Exercise, and Environment

by Peter Hauri, PhD, Director of the Mayo Clinic Insomnia Program,
and Shirley Linde, PhD.

And now for a favourite excerpt of mine...

WORRY TIME

If you're the kind of insomniac who lies in bed with thoughts buzzing through your head, and you can't stop them, or you find yourself worrying about finances or your job or feel that you are losing control, Worry Time might be the solution for you.

Here's how Worry Time works: Sometime during the evening, long before you go to bed, schedule a half hour to do the work of worry so you don't have to do it in bed. To do your worrying, go into a quiet room and tell your family not to bother you, not even for telephone calls. Take 30 or 40 blank 3- by 5-inch file cards and a pencil with you. Just sit and relax.

Pretty soon, if you're a worrier or concerned about losing control, worries will start buzzing around. As they come, write each one down on one of the cards. They don't have to be important worries; they can be dumb worries or little worries. No matter, whatever bothersome thought comes into your head, it gets a separate card. You'll find that this helps immediately, because anything written down doesn't buzz in your head so much. Sit there and do that for perhaps 15 or 20 minutes -- until you can't come up with any more worries.

Sometime, you may just sit there and the worries don't come. For half an hour, there is no worry buzzing around in your mind. That's okay -- you've simply used this time to relax. So don't sit there and worry that you might not have any worries!

The second step is to make categories of the worries. This establishes some order into the chaos and starts putting the worries under your control.

You might have one batch of worries about your finances, another batch about your relationships, and another about how you aren't any good -- whatever. But don't make too many categories; usually, from three to seven is about right. If you have a category for each worry, then you haven't done anything.

Some people classify their worries by content, others by how important the worry is -- there are little worries, big worries, stupid worries, etc. It doesn't matter how you classify them, as long as the categories suit your situation.

Once you have them in groups, think about each group carefully and see what you can do with the worries in that group. At the bottom of each card, write down what seems to be the best solution. For example, if a worry is that tomorrow you have too much to do, that card should contain a possible outline of your schedule for the next day. If a worry is that you are going to forget important telephone calls tomorrow, write down all the calls that you have to make and use that card for your calls tomorrow morning. If a worry is that you have only $200 left in the bank and you have $800 worth of bills to pay, decide right then which bills to pay and which bills not to pay, who you have to call to explain, perhaps to make partial payment, and just how you're going to manage the problem.

The trick is that the solution has to be written down, not just kept in your head. If it is written down, it helps you let the worry go. It is a written contract with yourself to carry out the solutions. The next day, you do the things on your cards.

Of course, there are some worries that you have absolutely no control over. You simply can't do anything about them. In that case, write down, "I will not deal with this worry today" or "This worry is out of my control" or "I will deal with that in three weeks when so-and-so comes to town."

Sometimes, there may be a person who is causing you distress, but your conclusion is that you cannot change that person's personality. You might think of what you could say to them the next time you see them, or you could write down, "I have done everything I can; the ball is in the other person's court, and now I have to wait until it comes back."

The goal is to face each worry squarely and decide what or whether you are going to do something about it -- so that, at the end of your session, you have each worry processed in some way. Put the cards away to look at in the morning. You have done your work of worrying. And if worries now come to you in the middle of the night, you can say, "I dealt with that last night, the solution is settled. Go away."

Sometimes, though rarely, there will be worries that don't come during Worry Time, but come later on. It's not a bad idea to have a card near your bed -- then you can put that worry onto its card to be dealt with the next evening. Sometimes, a solution doesn't work and a worry comes back night after night. In that case, perhaps your solution wasn't right. Think it through again, or perhaps see a counselor.

The main idea is to have your worries thought about before you go to bed and when you are still thinking clearly -- so you don't make mountains out of molehills in the middle of the night when the stupidest little worries can drive you crazy. Now you can say, "It's okay, not to worry, I know what to do."

Worrying about problems in the middle of the night not only can enlarge the problem, but you can't do anything about it then. There are a lot of worries that you can't deal with at three o'clock in the morning that can be dealt with at eight in the evening. For example, if your worry is that you forgot your mother's birthday, you can call. If your worry is that "I'm not getting along with my son too well," if he is still up doing his homework, maybe you can go in and talk to him.

Schedule a Worry Time every night or every other night for a week, maybe two. If it helps, continue doing it. If it doesn't work, give it up. Some people choose not to do Worry Time regularly, but only when their problems become hectic and bothersome.

A variation on Worry Time that works well is called The Worst Possible Scenario. When you get to the analysis of the cards and the various alternatives, ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Then ask yourself whether you could stand it. No matter how serious the situation, you can use this technique to put things in perspective: "If I stand up for this principle at my job, what is the worst thing that could happen? Probably, that my boss would fire me." Can you handle that, and is the principle worth that consequence? If it is, then go for it. If you would not be able to handle it or it isn't worth getting fired, make a different decision. In either case, you no longer have to worry about it.

It usually turns out that the worries are not really that bad once you face them. What you are worrying about may not even happen -- but if they do, you are ready.

You can order this book on Amazon.com.

There's even a No More Sleepless Nights Workbook!

So check them out and stop counting sheep!

Big Yawns,
Mudd
xoxox

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

technorati tags:insomnia, sleep disorder, books, techniques

Life After Trauma

Hello Friends!

Well, I'm finally back from a nice long break.
So let's get right down to business...

Here are a few excerpts from Life After Trauma - A Workbook for Healing

by Dena Rosenbloom, PhD,

and Mary Beth Williams, PhD

Trauma can turn your world upside down -- afterward, nothing may look safe or familiar.

This supportive workbook helps survivors of all types of trauma rebuild their lives. Filled with comforting activities, relaxation techniques, and self-evaluation questionnaires, the book explains how and why trauma can throw you for a loop and guides you toward developing inner resources for coping, self-understanding, and self-care.

Step-by-step chapters help you to reclaim a basic sense of safety, self-worth, and control; enchance your capacity to trust and be close to others; protect yourself from overwhelming memories; and heal from trauma-related reactions that may be disturbing your day-to-day life.

Written by experts in treating trauma and based on extensive research, the workbook can be used on its own or in conjunction with therapy.

TEN EFFECTIVE WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS

1. Be Flexible, Think Flexibly

Leftover fear from trauma can restrict your creativity and narrow your range of options. From where you stand, you may only be able to see one course of action. But if you shift your position, your view changes. Thinking flexibly means being able to see things from new or different perspectives rather than from the same old one. When you do this, new thoughts and choices become visible that were hard to see before. Being able to talk with others can be a big help in thinking more flexibly.

2. Learn All You Can About What Is Going To Happen

Fear and stress make it more difficult to think flexibly, but gathering as much information as you can -- in advance -- can help you stay flexible and see your full range of choices. You may fear something will happen, but how do the facts of the current situation match your emotions? What can you learn about the situation? The more you know in advance, the more choices you can have, and the more you can feel in control.

3. Plan Ahead

When you have gathered information about something that might happen, you can begin to consider, in advance, what you can do to prepare. Perhaps there are ways to make it easier for you. When you plan ahead, you plan when you can still think clearly and flexibly, before the highest level of stress. What will you need at those moments of peak stress? What might help you? How can you have these people or things handy? You can create a plan of action to make things easier for you and as safe as possible.

4. Avoid Impulsive Changes

Impulsive change can put you at risk. Respect your needs for safety. Try to think things through before you act. This gives you a better sense of control and power in the situation and can help you keep your risk low.

5. Try Not To Change Too Many Things At Once

You have the power to change many things about yourself, your behavior, and your reactions to others. Using this power most effectively means knowing its limitations. Changes, even good ones, create stress. The more changes, the more stress, and therefore, the harder it is to stay flexible. Changing too many things at once can overload you and make everything harder. You can end up feeling out of control. You can feel more in control by not changing too many things at once.

6. Pay Attention To Your Feelings And Reactions

You need to value and respect yourself enough to listen to how you feel. Paying attention to yourself gives you basic, crucial information. It is part of how you learn what is happening inside you. It is how you know whether or not you are changing too much, going too fast, or taking too many risks. Paying attention to yourself can give you the information and evidence that you need to plan ahead for next time.

7. Talk To Others Who Have Survived Similar Changes Or Experiences

Trauma can result in powerful, uncomfortable feelings of being crazy, separate, and different from others. It is even more powerful in a comforting way to realize you are not alone. After not knowing whom to talk to or how to put your experiences into words, it can be tremendously healing to learn there are others who understand and can share what you have been through. Talking to others who have had similar experiences also helps you get back in touch with yourself, and accept yourself.

8. Seek Support From People Who Can Listen, Offer Feedback,
Or Help In Other Ways

Everyone needs help sometime for something. When you can begin to count on others for help, it takes a great load off your shoulders. Finding people you can trust for even small, low-risk, practical things is a start. Finding people who will listen and accept you for who you are is one of the greatest supports of all.

9. Allow Yourself To Grieve Losses

Trauma and change bring loss. Although uncomfortable and at times even unbearable, the pain of loss can be one way to acknowledge and respect what you value. Pain confirms that what was lost was important to you and mattered. Respecting your feelings means that you have value, you matter, and continue to matter, even through loss.

10. Take Your Time

Healing from trauma can mean rebuilding your life. You need time to do this safely and solidly. Take the time. If you listen to your feelings and reactions, and respect what they tell you, you will move as fast as you can. Remember that you cannot control everything. If you try to go faster than your own limits allow, it will slow you down in the end.

The above ways of coping work for any stress, not just trauma. They are valuable tools for the rest of your life. We recognize that nothing erases trauma's tragedy and pain, but the experience as a whole can also include the silver linings of positive change and personal growth.

If you would like to purchase this book, go to Amazon.com by clicking here.

Have a stress-free day!

Love always,
Mudd
xoxox

P.S.: Questions or not, I would love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

technorati tags:stress, trauma, anxiety, healing

More Help For Parents

As I browsed around, searching for more information, I came across this FREE pdf document, also entitled Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress.
You can read it here.

You'll need Adobe Reader to be able to access this document.
You can download it for free here.

Finally, for information on helping your preschooler and your school-age child deal with stress, click here.

technorati tags:stress, teenager, preschool, school-age

Stress And Your Teenager

Good Day Sweet People!

Demanding schedules, changing responsibilities, questions of identity, noise pollution, poor diets, too little exercise, fear of the future, drugs and alcohol, job stress... So-called "adult" problems are also the lot of teenagers all over the world.

As a matter of fact, long before teenagers reach their twentieth birthday, they have enough pressures to last a lifetime.

As a parent, you are undergoing a great deal of stress yourself. Here's a book that offers many useful insights and practical exercises to help you -- and your adolescent -- through the turbulent teenage years -- Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress, A Survival Guide For Parents And Children.

The author, Bettie B. Youngs, Ph.D., Ed.D., is an internationally known educational consultant and author of more than a dozen books on raising happy, healthy and successful young people. Dr. Youngs is a noted expert on the effects of stress and self-esteem on children’s health and achievement.

I've chosen for you the following excerpt from her book:

THE SELF-ESTEEM PROFILE

Is your teenager easily hurt by criticism? Here's a profile to help you and your teenager examine her self-esteem. Have her answer yes or no to the following questions, then read the scoring profile below. One thing to keep in mind is that most teenagers feel bad about themselves from time to time. Therefore, in answering these questions your teenager should think about how she feels most of the time.

• Do you accept constructive criticism?
• Are you at ease meeting new people?
• Are you honest and open about your feelings?
• Do you value your closest relationships.
• Are you able to laugh at (and learn from) your own mistakes?
• Do you notice and accept changes in yourself as they occur?
• Do you look for and tackle new challenges?
• Are you confident about your physical appearence?
• Do you give yourself credit when credit is due?
• Are you happy for others when they succeed?

If your teenager answered most of these questions yes, she probably has a healthy opinion of herself. Whatever the level of your child's self-esteem now, you can help her take positive steps to improve it.

• Are you very shy or overly aggressive?
• Do you try to hide your feelings from others?
• Do you fear close relationships?
• Do you try to blame your mistakes on others?
• Do you find excuses for refusing to change?
• Do you continually wish you could change your physical appearance?
• Are you too modest about personal successes?
• Are you glad when others fail?

If your teenager answered yes to most of these questions, her self-esteem could probably use improvement. Here's how you can help your teenager personally care for her self-concept.

Acceptance

Help your adolescent identify and accept strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has both.

Encouragement

Take a "can-do" attitude. Help your adolescent set a reasonable timetable for personal goals, and offer encouragement along the way.

Praise

Praise your adolescent for, and encourage her to take pride in, her achievements, both great and small. Experiences are personal. We must each enjoy our own.

Time

Teach your child the importance of taking time out regularly to be alone with personal thoughts and feelings, and of getting involved in activities she can enjoy by herself (for example, crafts, reading, or individual sports). She must learn to enjoy her own company.

Trust

Encourage your adolescent to pay attention to her thoughts and feelings, to act on what she thinks is right. Doing what makes her feel happy and fulfilled will be a rewarding experience.

Respect

Help your adolescent value herself and not try to be someone else. Help her explore and appreciate her own special talents.

Love

Your adolescent must come to love herself. This is done by accepting and learning from mistakes and not overreacting to errors, and by accepting her successes and failures as those who love her do.

You can buy Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress (also available as an audio-cassette) at AllBookstores.com by clicking here.

Good Luck!

Hugs and lots of love,
Mudd
xoxo

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

technorati tags:stress, help, teenagers, self-esteem