Trouble Sleeping? -- Schedule Some Worry Time!

Hello Beautiful Souls!

Here's an interesting read: No More Sleepless Nights,
Conquer Insomnia with: A Natural, Drug-Free Program,
A Sleep-Log Self-Exam, Stress-Reduction Techniques,
Improved Diet, Exercise, and Environment

by Peter Hauri, PhD, Director of the Mayo Clinic Insomnia Program,
and Shirley Linde, PhD.

And now for a favourite excerpt of mine...

WORRY TIME

If you're the kind of insomniac who lies in bed with thoughts buzzing through your head, and you can't stop them, or you find yourself worrying about finances or your job or feel that you are losing control, Worry Time might be the solution for you.

Here's how Worry Time works: Sometime during the evening, long before you go to bed, schedule a half hour to do the work of worry so you don't have to do it in bed. To do your worrying, go into a quiet room and tell your family not to bother you, not even for telephone calls. Take 30 or 40 blank 3- by 5-inch file cards and a pencil with you. Just sit and relax.

Pretty soon, if you're a worrier or concerned about losing control, worries will start buzzing around. As they come, write each one down on one of the cards. They don't have to be important worries; they can be dumb worries or little worries. No matter, whatever bothersome thought comes into your head, it gets a separate card. You'll find that this helps immediately, because anything written down doesn't buzz in your head so much. Sit there and do that for perhaps 15 or 20 minutes -- until you can't come up with any more worries.

Sometime, you may just sit there and the worries don't come. For half an hour, there is no worry buzzing around in your mind. That's okay -- you've simply used this time to relax. So don't sit there and worry that you might not have any worries!

The second step is to make categories of the worries. This establishes some order into the chaos and starts putting the worries under your control.

You might have one batch of worries about your finances, another batch about your relationships, and another about how you aren't any good -- whatever. But don't make too many categories; usually, from three to seven is about right. If you have a category for each worry, then you haven't done anything.

Some people classify their worries by content, others by how important the worry is -- there are little worries, big worries, stupid worries, etc. It doesn't matter how you classify them, as long as the categories suit your situation.

Once you have them in groups, think about each group carefully and see what you can do with the worries in that group. At the bottom of each card, write down what seems to be the best solution. For example, if a worry is that tomorrow you have too much to do, that card should contain a possible outline of your schedule for the next day. If a worry is that you are going to forget important telephone calls tomorrow, write down all the calls that you have to make and use that card for your calls tomorrow morning. If a worry is that you have only $200 left in the bank and you have $800 worth of bills to pay, decide right then which bills to pay and which bills not to pay, who you have to call to explain, perhaps to make partial payment, and just how you're going to manage the problem.

The trick is that the solution has to be written down, not just kept in your head. If it is written down, it helps you let the worry go. It is a written contract with yourself to carry out the solutions. The next day, you do the things on your cards.

Of course, there are some worries that you have absolutely no control over. You simply can't do anything about them. In that case, write down, "I will not deal with this worry today" or "This worry is out of my control" or "I will deal with that in three weeks when so-and-so comes to town."

Sometimes, there may be a person who is causing you distress, but your conclusion is that you cannot change that person's personality. You might think of what you could say to them the next time you see them, or you could write down, "I have done everything I can; the ball is in the other person's court, and now I have to wait until it comes back."

The goal is to face each worry squarely and decide what or whether you are going to do something about it -- so that, at the end of your session, you have each worry processed in some way. Put the cards away to look at in the morning. You have done your work of worrying. And if worries now come to you in the middle of the night, you can say, "I dealt with that last night, the solution is settled. Go away."

Sometimes, though rarely, there will be worries that don't come during Worry Time, but come later on. It's not a bad idea to have a card near your bed -- then you can put that worry onto its card to be dealt with the next evening. Sometimes, a solution doesn't work and a worry comes back night after night. In that case, perhaps your solution wasn't right. Think it through again, or perhaps see a counselor.

The main idea is to have your worries thought about before you go to bed and when you are still thinking clearly -- so you don't make mountains out of molehills in the middle of the night when the stupidest little worries can drive you crazy. Now you can say, "It's okay, not to worry, I know what to do."

Worrying about problems in the middle of the night not only can enlarge the problem, but you can't do anything about it then. There are a lot of worries that you can't deal with at three o'clock in the morning that can be dealt with at eight in the evening. For example, if your worry is that you forgot your mother's birthday, you can call. If your worry is that "I'm not getting along with my son too well," if he is still up doing his homework, maybe you can go in and talk to him.

Schedule a Worry Time every night or every other night for a week, maybe two. If it helps, continue doing it. If it doesn't work, give it up. Some people choose not to do Worry Time regularly, but only when their problems become hectic and bothersome.

A variation on Worry Time that works well is called The Worst Possible Scenario. When you get to the analysis of the cards and the various alternatives, ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Then ask yourself whether you could stand it. No matter how serious the situation, you can use this technique to put things in perspective: "If I stand up for this principle at my job, what is the worst thing that could happen? Probably, that my boss would fire me." Can you handle that, and is the principle worth that consequence? If it is, then go for it. If you would not be able to handle it or it isn't worth getting fired, make a different decision. In either case, you no longer have to worry about it.

It usually turns out that the worries are not really that bad once you face them. What you are worrying about may not even happen -- but if they do, you are ready.

You can order this book on Amazon.com.

There's even a No More Sleepless Nights Workbook!

So check them out and stop counting sheep!

Big Yawns,
Mudd
xoxox

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

technorati tags:insomnia, sleep disorder, books, techniques

Life After Trauma

Hello Friends!

Well, I'm finally back from a nice long break.
So let's get right down to business...

Here are a few excerpts from Life After Trauma - A Workbook for Healing

by Dena Rosenbloom, PhD,

and Mary Beth Williams, PhD

Trauma can turn your world upside down -- afterward, nothing may look safe or familiar.

This supportive workbook helps survivors of all types of trauma rebuild their lives. Filled with comforting activities, relaxation techniques, and self-evaluation questionnaires, the book explains how and why trauma can throw you for a loop and guides you toward developing inner resources for coping, self-understanding, and self-care.

Step-by-step chapters help you to reclaim a basic sense of safety, self-worth, and control; enchance your capacity to trust and be close to others; protect yourself from overwhelming memories; and heal from trauma-related reactions that may be disturbing your day-to-day life.

Written by experts in treating trauma and based on extensive research, the workbook can be used on its own or in conjunction with therapy.

TEN EFFECTIVE WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS

1. Be Flexible, Think Flexibly

Leftover fear from trauma can restrict your creativity and narrow your range of options. From where you stand, you may only be able to see one course of action. But if you shift your position, your view changes. Thinking flexibly means being able to see things from new or different perspectives rather than from the same old one. When you do this, new thoughts and choices become visible that were hard to see before. Being able to talk with others can be a big help in thinking more flexibly.

2. Learn All You Can About What Is Going To Happen

Fear and stress make it more difficult to think flexibly, but gathering as much information as you can -- in advance -- can help you stay flexible and see your full range of choices. You may fear something will happen, but how do the facts of the current situation match your emotions? What can you learn about the situation? The more you know in advance, the more choices you can have, and the more you can feel in control.

3. Plan Ahead

When you have gathered information about something that might happen, you can begin to consider, in advance, what you can do to prepare. Perhaps there are ways to make it easier for you. When you plan ahead, you plan when you can still think clearly and flexibly, before the highest level of stress. What will you need at those moments of peak stress? What might help you? How can you have these people or things handy? You can create a plan of action to make things easier for you and as safe as possible.

4. Avoid Impulsive Changes

Impulsive change can put you at risk. Respect your needs for safety. Try to think things through before you act. This gives you a better sense of control and power in the situation and can help you keep your risk low.

5. Try Not To Change Too Many Things At Once

You have the power to change many things about yourself, your behavior, and your reactions to others. Using this power most effectively means knowing its limitations. Changes, even good ones, create stress. The more changes, the more stress, and therefore, the harder it is to stay flexible. Changing too many things at once can overload you and make everything harder. You can end up feeling out of control. You can feel more in control by not changing too many things at once.

6. Pay Attention To Your Feelings And Reactions

You need to value and respect yourself enough to listen to how you feel. Paying attention to yourself gives you basic, crucial information. It is part of how you learn what is happening inside you. It is how you know whether or not you are changing too much, going too fast, or taking too many risks. Paying attention to yourself can give you the information and evidence that you need to plan ahead for next time.

7. Talk To Others Who Have Survived Similar Changes Or Experiences

Trauma can result in powerful, uncomfortable feelings of being crazy, separate, and different from others. It is even more powerful in a comforting way to realize you are not alone. After not knowing whom to talk to or how to put your experiences into words, it can be tremendously healing to learn there are others who understand and can share what you have been through. Talking to others who have had similar experiences also helps you get back in touch with yourself, and accept yourself.

8. Seek Support From People Who Can Listen, Offer Feedback,
Or Help In Other Ways

Everyone needs help sometime for something. When you can begin to count on others for help, it takes a great load off your shoulders. Finding people you can trust for even small, low-risk, practical things is a start. Finding people who will listen and accept you for who you are is one of the greatest supports of all.

9. Allow Yourself To Grieve Losses

Trauma and change bring loss. Although uncomfortable and at times even unbearable, the pain of loss can be one way to acknowledge and respect what you value. Pain confirms that what was lost was important to you and mattered. Respecting your feelings means that you have value, you matter, and continue to matter, even through loss.

10. Take Your Time

Healing from trauma can mean rebuilding your life. You need time to do this safely and solidly. Take the time. If you listen to your feelings and reactions, and respect what they tell you, you will move as fast as you can. Remember that you cannot control everything. If you try to go faster than your own limits allow, it will slow you down in the end.

The above ways of coping work for any stress, not just trauma. They are valuable tools for the rest of your life. We recognize that nothing erases trauma's tragedy and pain, but the experience as a whole can also include the silver linings of positive change and personal growth.

If you would like to purchase this book, go to Amazon.com by clicking here.

Have a stress-free day!

Love always,
Mudd
xoxox

P.S.: Questions or not, I would love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

technorati tags:stress, trauma, anxiety, healing

More Help For Parents

As I browsed around, searching for more information, I came across this FREE pdf document, also entitled Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress.
You can read it here.

You'll need Adobe Reader to be able to access this document.
You can download it for free here.

Finally, for information on helping your preschooler and your school-age child deal with stress, click here.

technorati tags:stress, teenager, preschool, school-age

Stress And Your Teenager

Good Day Sweet People!

Demanding schedules, changing responsibilities, questions of identity, noise pollution, poor diets, too little exercise, fear of the future, drugs and alcohol, job stress... So-called "adult" problems are also the lot of teenagers all over the world.

As a matter of fact, long before teenagers reach their twentieth birthday, they have enough pressures to last a lifetime.

As a parent, you are undergoing a great deal of stress yourself. Here's a book that offers many useful insights and practical exercises to help you -- and your adolescent -- through the turbulent teenage years -- Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress, A Survival Guide For Parents And Children.

The author, Bettie B. Youngs, Ph.D., Ed.D., is an internationally known educational consultant and author of more than a dozen books on raising happy, healthy and successful young people. Dr. Youngs is a noted expert on the effects of stress and self-esteem on children’s health and achievement.

I've chosen for you the following excerpt from her book:

THE SELF-ESTEEM PROFILE

Is your teenager easily hurt by criticism? Here's a profile to help you and your teenager examine her self-esteem. Have her answer yes or no to the following questions, then read the scoring profile below. One thing to keep in mind is that most teenagers feel bad about themselves from time to time. Therefore, in answering these questions your teenager should think about how she feels most of the time.

• Do you accept constructive criticism?
• Are you at ease meeting new people?
• Are you honest and open about your feelings?
• Do you value your closest relationships.
• Are you able to laugh at (and learn from) your own mistakes?
• Do you notice and accept changes in yourself as they occur?
• Do you look for and tackle new challenges?
• Are you confident about your physical appearence?
• Do you give yourself credit when credit is due?
• Are you happy for others when they succeed?

If your teenager answered most of these questions yes, she probably has a healthy opinion of herself. Whatever the level of your child's self-esteem now, you can help her take positive steps to improve it.

• Are you very shy or overly aggressive?
• Do you try to hide your feelings from others?
• Do you fear close relationships?
• Do you try to blame your mistakes on others?
• Do you find excuses for refusing to change?
• Do you continually wish you could change your physical appearance?
• Are you too modest about personal successes?
• Are you glad when others fail?

If your teenager answered yes to most of these questions, her self-esteem could probably use improvement. Here's how you can help your teenager personally care for her self-concept.

Acceptance

Help your adolescent identify and accept strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has both.

Encouragement

Take a "can-do" attitude. Help your adolescent set a reasonable timetable for personal goals, and offer encouragement along the way.

Praise

Praise your adolescent for, and encourage her to take pride in, her achievements, both great and small. Experiences are personal. We must each enjoy our own.

Time

Teach your child the importance of taking time out regularly to be alone with personal thoughts and feelings, and of getting involved in activities she can enjoy by herself (for example, crafts, reading, or individual sports). She must learn to enjoy her own company.

Trust

Encourage your adolescent to pay attention to her thoughts and feelings, to act on what she thinks is right. Doing what makes her feel happy and fulfilled will be a rewarding experience.

Respect

Help your adolescent value herself and not try to be someone else. Help her explore and appreciate her own special talents.

Love

Your adolescent must come to love herself. This is done by accepting and learning from mistakes and not overreacting to errors, and by accepting her successes and failures as those who love her do.

You can buy Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress (also available as an audio-cassette) at AllBookstores.com by clicking here.

Good Luck!

Hugs and lots of love,
Mudd
xoxo

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

technorati tags:stress, help, teenagers, self-esteem

Quiet! -- Please...

To quiet your mind, focus on your breathing...

As you breathe in,
say slowly to yourself
"I am"

and as you breathe out,
say slowly to yourself
"calm."

When your mind feels calm
you may focus only on your breathing,
with no thoughts at all.

technorati tags:quiet, mind, breathe, calm

The Zaky Touch

This is just too cute...

The Zaky is an ergonomic infant pillow designed by a mom to mimic the size, weight, touch, and feel of her hand and forearm to help her baby with comfort, support, protection, and development.

The Zaky can help calm your baby and help your baby sleep better through the night.

To see and read more about it, go to the Pregnancy Store here.

I wish I had giant hands and arms to cradle me.
Now there's an idea...

MuddHugs
xoxoxoxo

Mind Power

Hi All!

Here's a book that's been captivating my attention for the past two days...

In Make Your Mind Work For You -- New Mind-Power Techniques To Improve Memory, Beat Procrastination, Increase Energy, And More!, Joan Minninger, Ph. D., and Eleanor Dugan offer different techniques to help you develop an experienced mind -- one that makes the right decisions and leads you to take the right actions. You learn to solve problems, store and recall information, control anxieties, and experience more pleasure and satisfaction in everyday life. You also learn how to prioritize so that you achieve not only efficiency but also success.

Naturally, the book excerpt I chose to share with you has to do with depression. Here, then, are the strategies that our authors suggest for dealing with this unfortunate and much too common affliction.

Withdraw

Don't deal with difficult issues when you are depressed. Set aside a few minutes to sit and really focus on how horrible you feel. Imagine your toes, your knees, your hips all deep in blue, soggy drepression. Then see your body, your arms, your neck cold and wet. Finally the blues totally engulf you, closing over your head. Savor the immersion in this quivery blue environment (choose another colour if you really like blue). After a few minutes (if you can sustain your mood that long), notice how hard it is to keep up this intensity. Let the depression slide away in reverse order. Or maybe it changes colour, taking on a warm glow. You are now ready for one of the following steps.

Share

Mention to someone supportive that you have had a rotten day. Don't dwell on it, just get it out. Then go on to lighter topics. (Bartenders and therapists are good listeners, but friends and relatives are cheaper and often just as good.)

Pretend

Put on a brightly coloured outfit, dance, tell jokes, sing, jump up and down. Put on a false face of merriment. Often it turns the tide. A study at the University of California at San Francisco, discussed in Approaches to Emotion: A Book of Readings, edited by Klaus Scherer and Paul Ekman, showed that you can call up different emotions by changing your expression. Psychologist Paul Ekman asked people to make faces, raising and lowering eyebrows and lips. People consistently experienced emotions that matched their facial image. So, when your heart is aching, a happy face can cheer you up. If it doesn't, at the very least you'll be able to come up with some wonderfully ironic poetic images for your autobiography.

Reward yourself

No need to indulge yourself with a 1,000-calorie sundae or a $5,000 wardrobe, unless you can afford them. But you might consider a movie or sauna, some bubble bath, a bunch of daisies, a new box of paper clips, a few extra minutes at coffee break or in the shower or with the morning paper.

Do a kindness

Plan something nice for someone else. This is usually the last thing on your mind. That's why it is invaluable. Getting your Knowing Mind to notice and pay attention to someone else is a good way to start the rebellion that ends depression.

Do something physical

Run, jog, walk. Deliberately drop a file folder or handful of rubber bands and then pick up all the pieces one at a time, bending from the waist. Rearrange your possessions. (Leave other people's alone!) Even if you're in traction or a wheelchair, there are still parts of your body you can exercise. Roll your eyes, make faces, wiggle your ears and anything else that will move.

Plan

Even if you're so low you could walk on stilts under a dachshund, focus on doing one thing later today that is pleasurable. Arrange to meet a friend. Phone someone interesting. Have something special for dinner. Get your Organizing Mind to construct lists of potential pleasures.

Write it down

One of the valuable things about keeping a diary is learning that nothing is permanent. Some people think whatever they write is carved in stone. I help my writing classes realize that just the opposite is true. Sorrow, pain, happiness, elation -- all come and go. When you are depressed, you feel as though you have always been depressed and will remain that way forever. But nothing is forever, even depression.

Very interesting book. You can even get the Audio CD version (Your Coach in a Box) on Amazon.com by clicking here.

Big hugs and lots of kisses,
Mudd
xoxo

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

More Shakti

Dear Friends,

I'm still learning so much from Shakti Gawain's book, Living in The Light, that I just had to share more of my favourite passages with you.

In the chapter entitled The World as Our Mirror, Shakti reminds us that the physical world is our creation. That we each create our very own version of the world, our particular reality, our unique life experience. And just as an artist looks at his latest creation to see what works well and what doesn't, we can look at the ongoing masterwork of our lives to appreciate who we are and to recognize what we still need to learn.

She tells us to see the external world as a giant mirror which reflects both our spirits and our forms clearly and accurately. Viewed in this way, the external world can teach us about hidden aspects of ourselves that we can't see directly.

The Mirror Process is based on two premises:

1. I assume that everything in my life is my reflection, my creation; there are no accidents or events that are unrelated to me. If I see or feel something, if it has any impact on me, then my being has attracted or created it to show me something. If it didn't mirror some part of myself, I wouldn't even be able to see it. All the people in my life are reflections of the various characters and feelings that live inside of me.

2. I try never to put myself down for the reflections I see. I know that nothing is negative. Everything is a gift that brings me to self awareness; after all, I'm here to learn. If I was already perfect I wouldn't be here. Why should I get angry at myself when I see things I've been unconscious of? It would be like a first grader getting frustrated because he wasn't in college yet. I try to maintain a compassionate attitude toward myself and my learning process. To the extent that I can do this, the learning process becomes fun and really quite interesting.

I am learning to view my life as a fascinating and adventurous movie. All the characters in it are parts of me played out on the big screen so that I can clearly see them. Once I see them and recognize their various feelings and voices inside myself, it is easy to choose which characters to keep and expand, and which ones to let go of or transform.

If the movie portrays problems, hassles, or struggles, I know I must check inside to find out where I'm not being true to myself. I also know that when I'm trusting and being myself as fully as possible, everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously.

The author goes on to say that in being true to yourself, you will feel more alive. But you may also feel uncomfortable. This is because you are risking change. As you undergo certain changes, you may experience intense emotions. She encourages you to allow these emotions to express themselves, to let the feelings come up and flush through you -- they are being cleaned out and healed by the light.

External feedback is also a great mirror: your doubts and fears will often be reflected in the reactions of those around you. If your friends and family question or judge the changes in you, recognize that they are simply mirroring the doubting, fearful voices in you, such as, "What if I'm doing the wrong thing? Can I really trust this process?"

Respond to such feedback from others in whatever way you feel is appropriate: reassure them, ignore them, argue with them, whatever. The important thing is to recognize that you are really dealing with your inner fears. Affirm that you are learning to trust yourself more and more. You will be amazed to see how others immediately mirror your increasing self-trust and confidence by responding to you with trust and confidence.

Remember:

If you judge and criticize, others will judge and criticize you.

If you hurt yourself, others will hurt you.

If you lie to yourself, others will lie to you.

If you are irresponsible to yourself, others will be irresponsible in relation to you.

If you blame yourself, others will blame you.

If you do violence to yourself emotionally, others will do violence to you emotionally, or even physically.

If you don't listen to your feelings, no one will listen to your feelings.

If you love yourself, others will love you.

If you respect yourself, others will respect you.

If you trust yourself, others will trust you.

If you are honest with yourself, others will be honest with you.

If you are gentle and compassionate with yourself, others will treat you with compassion.

If you appreciate yourself, others will appreciate you.

If you honour yourself, others will honour you.

If you enjoy yourself, others will enjoy you.

All in all...start creating your masterpiece!

Hugs and Loads of Love,
Mudd
xoxo

If you want to know more about Shakti and how to purchase her books, go to her website by clicking here.

Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

Love Your Body

Hello Beautiful Souls!

Sorry I was away for so long. I've been celebrating my birthday since August 16 -- bathing in the love of family and friends, eating out, having fun, enjoying every bit of what life has to offer. I thought of you many times, trying not to feel guilty about not posting. I must say I'm happy to be back, and hope I'm not only older, but wiser as well.

To continue on our journey, I'd like to share with you yet another book, one that is bringing me much comfort these days: Living in The Light, A Guide to Personal and Planetary Transformation, by Shakti Gawain.

In it, there's a chapter entitled Your Perfect Body where the author tells us to appreciate our body, to focus on what we like about ourselves. She says that the more willing we are to do this, the easier it will become. That our body will respond to this appreciation and grow increasingly beautiful.

For me, my body is still a preoccupation, and this bothers me. I'd like to think I'm past being concerned with the physical -- but no. I've heard that it's common for people who have been sexually abused to think they are ugly, to not like their body. Well, that's exactly how I've felt most of my life. Even if I've worked hard to break away from this negative belief, there are times when I find myself struggling with the way I look. So I've been following a few of Shakti Gawain's suggestions, and already I feel a better connexion with my body. Here are a few of my favourite exercises for you to try out.

Ritual For Loving Your Body

Stand naked in front of a full-length mirror. Send positive thoughts to every part of your body. Even if you don't like your body or don't approve of certain parts of your body, look for something of beauty in every part of yourself. Realize that your body has been serving you for years. Thank your body for its service. Realize it has only been following your directions.

For example, you might say to yourself, "You have beautiful, thick, shiny hair." Then look in the mirror at your hair and see its beauty, its shine and glow. Even if it isn't shining and glowing as much as you like, continue to see it and appreciate yourself as you are, saying, "I love the way you look. You have beautiful hands. You have strong, healthy legs. You have clear skin. You have shining eyes."

Run through each part of your body in this way and really send it love and appreciation. Find a way to appreciate every part of yourself. And thank your body for being with you for however many years, following your desires and serving you. It has been doing for you what you have asked of it. If you like, you can play music that you love, and use candles or flowers while performing this ritual. Do this ritual once or twice a day for at least a week. This ritual shows your body how much you appreciate and respect it. Your body has been criticized, judged, and rejected by you for years. It will respond quickly to love and energy. You will feel lighter and more energized. You will start looking more beautiful. The lines in your face will relax. You will start to glow with strength and health. You will be amazed at the results of loving your body.

Visualization Exercises

1. Whenever you think of your body, see it the way you want it to be. Know that your body is perfect and affirm this. Take a few minutes during the day to close your eyes and visualize your body at the weight, size, and strength you desire. See your body as energized and powerful. See and feel energy moving through you.
2. Use a picture from a magazine to help you visualize your perfect body. Choose a picture of a body that looks the way you would look in great shape, cut it out, and paste it on the wall. Place it where you'll look at it daily. See the picture as your body. You can even paste a picture of your face on the picture so it's your face with your perfect body.

Meditation

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Take a few deep breaths and relax your body. With each exhalation, let go of what you don't want or need; see any tension, frustration, or tiredness leave your body. As you inhale, take in everything you want or desire: relaxation, serenity, strength, prosperity, and joy.

From this relaxed, rejuvenated place, see your body before you. Imagine your body looking exactly the way you want it to be. Observe it in as much detail as possible. You are now your perfect weight, size, and shape. Your body is energized, strong, and powerful. When you look at your face and body, you see your beauty. You look exactly the way you want to look. You feel the way you want to feel.

You can feel what it is like to have a body that supports your spirit. Your spirit says "do this" and your body, in all its perfection, is there to match your inner wisdom.

You are beauty, strength, and energy.

Big Hugs,
Mudd
xoxo

To purchase Living in The Light, go to Amazon.com by clicking here.

Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

Guilty or Not Guilty?

Hi Friends!

Now here's a fun book to browse through.

Who Are You? 101 Ways of Seeing Yourself is designed to help you find out more about yourself. It contains 101 mirrors of self-discovery in which you can recognize your dominant behavior, your body type, how you feel and act, how you think and approach your spirituality.

The author, Malcolm Godwin, has drawn "tests" from ancient and modern techniques from both the East and the West, and these "tests" are divided into four sections -- the body, the emotions, the intellect, and the spirit. Each assessment takes no more than a few minutes to complete, and is accompanied by a brief description of the history and principles behind the method or technique.

Definitily a great way to understand how others see you...
and how you see yourself.

Some of the tests you'll find in the book:

• Are you left-brain or right brain dominant?
• How well do you cope with emotional stress?
• How do you think? -- Verbally? Analytically? Spatially?
• What does your palm tell about your personality?
• What type are you spiritually? -- Prayerful? Philosopher Sage? Devotee?

Here's an excerpt taken from the chapter on Feeling Types:

Do You Plead Guilty or Not Guilty?

The propensity to feel guilty or anxious about our behavior is a character trait that is commonly found today. Most of us are uneasy about certain aspects of our personalities. Often we blame ourselves even when our behavior hardly merits any punishment whatsoever. A certain level of guilt is, of course, necessary for some awareness of conscience. Indeed, its complete absence would be symptomatic of the extremes of psychopathy. Excessive self-abasement or recrimination, on the other hand, reveal an equally neurotic and unbalanced attitude.

Assessment

Do you:

1. feel you have spent much of your life doing things you don't really enjoy?
2. hate your present job?
3. feel bad if you let other people down?
4. worry about other people's opinion of you or your actions?
5. avoid doing things that might upset your friends?
6. find it difficult to sleep until noon on weekends, even when there is nothing urgent to do?
7. spend time in a shop trying on clothes and then feel bad if you leave without buying anything?
8. send birthday cards to people you don't really like?
9. feel upset if someone unexpectedly found you doing something intimate and private?
10. dress in clothes that will please others?
11. feel bad when you think of times you have been rude or thoughtless?
12. find yourself apologizing for something that is not really your fault?
13. say sorry when someone steps on your foot?
14. feel you have let down your parents by not living up to their expectations?
15. agree with the concept of original sin -- that you are born a sinner who must be redeemed?
16. feel that we all need some social or religious control over our natural instincts?
17. feel that Roman Catholics are right to have regular confessions of their sins?
18. sense a general disapproval from others about your person or behavior?
19. feel that you should be punished for past sins?
20. often pray for forgiveness?

Key:

Answer "yes" to 16 or more of the questions and you can be sure that at some time someone has programmed both you and your emotional center to feel guilty.

A score of 4 - 6 would suggest a healthy conscience.

A score of under 3 suggests you are either enlightened or a psychopath!

For more ways to learn who you are, check out the book at Amazon.com by clicking here.

Big hugs,
Mudd
xoxo

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

Health Anxiety

Anxiety creates all kinds of weird impressions. For years, I thought I was afflicted with a whole bunch of ailments and life-threatening diseases. I was sure I had all the symptoms, but I probably created them all because of how I worried so much about dying.

Here's a book I would have loved to read during that period: It's Not All in Your Head, by Gordon J.G. Asmundson, PhD, and Steven Taylor, PhD.

In it, the authors explain that like other forms of anxiety, health anxiety involves changes in thoughts, physiology, and behavior. Also like other forms of anxiety, health anxiety can range from mild to severe. Mild health anxiety can be temporary and can sometimes be a signal to follow up on some bodily change or sensation by seeking advice from a doctor. But it can also be excessive and preoccupying. When health anxiety is out of proportion to the risk of disease and persists even though there is no evidence of disease, mental health professionals often refer to it as a health anxiety disorder. Like the other anxiety disorders, it has an impact on all aspects of health. The trick, of course, lies in figuring out what is out of proportion and inappropriately persistent. That is, how much is too much?

The Whiteley Index

Over the years, a number of tests have been developed to assist researchers and doctors in evaluating patients for health anxiety. The authors have found that the Whiteley Index is particularly useful for self-assessment. Here are the questions asked:

Answer YES or NO.

1. Do you often worry about the possibility that you have got a serious illness?
2. Are you bothered by many pains and aches?
3. Do you find that you are often aware of various things happening in your body?
4. Do you worry a lot about your health?
5. Do you often have the symptoms of very serious illness?
6. If a disease is brought to your attention (through the radio, television, newspapers, or someone you know), do you worry about getting it yourself?
7. If you feel ill and someone tells you that you are looking better, do you become annoyed?
8. Do you find that you are bothered by many different symptoms?
9. Is it easy for you to forget about yourself, and think about all sorts of other things?
10. Is it hard for you to believe the doctor when he or she tells you there is nothing for you to worry about?
11. Do you get the feeling that people are not taking your illness seriously enough?
12. Do you think that you worry about your health more than most people?
13. Do you think there is something seriously wrong with your body?
14. Are you afraid of illness?

Give yourself a point for every YES response to all questions except number 9, for which you get a point if you answered NO.

This should produce a score between 0 and 14. Higher scores indicate higher levels of health anxiety. A score of 8 or more usually indicates a high probability of a health anxiety disorder.

If you scored 8 or higher, try getting your hands on this book. It will provide you with the building blocks for learning strategies that will help you change the way you think about and respond to the bodily sensations that you are now interpreting as disease related. You'll learn the relationship between health anxiety and other mental health conditions, including the anxiety disorders and depression, which often co-occur with excessive health anxiety, as well as methods you can use to self-assess anxiety and mood disorders.

You can purchase It's Not All in Your Head at Amazon.com by clicking here.

Big hugs,
Mudd
xoxo

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

Let's Relax

I just came across this very interesting website called Mind.

In the Mind Guide To Relaxation, they talk about the link between stress and relaxation, what may be wrong with the way we relax, and how to introduce more relaxation into our everyday life.

Here's a glimpse of what you can find on their site:

Regular practice
You need to have deep relaxation practices daily, or even twice a day, at the beginning. When learning any new skill, such as how to drive a car, ride a bicycle, play an instrument or perform a dance routine, you need to concentrate on each movement, at first. With regular practice and repetition, the skills become second nature and you do them automatically. It's the same with learning to be more relaxed in day-to-day living.

• If possible, plan to set aside a specific time for your regular practice. (Once you start appreciating how enjoyable relaxation is, you will look forward to it as a period of peace and pleasure).
• If you can, choose a quiet place to practise relaxation. It's easier to learn if you are not interrupted by loud sounds, the telephone or people coming in. When you become really good at relaxation, you will be able to 'switch off' even in noisy, busy environments.
• It's impossible to relax if you are cold, so make sure you are comfortably warm.
• Avoid practising relaxation when you are hungry or just after eating a meal.
• If you use a tape or CD player on remote, have the handset close by so that you can operate it without difficulty.
• Sometimes, young children enjoy relaxing with a parent, doing the exercises and then snuggling up to enjoy the peace and stillness.

Don't worry about whether you're doing everything correctly. Never try, just do! And enjoy the feeling!

Effective positions for relaxation

• Ensure table is close and arms are not stretched out • Alternatively, kneel beside a bed
	• Support under head, neck and knees • Head should be level, not tilted back or pushed forward
• Knees high enough to reduce tension in tummy • Legs on chair sideways • Support right up to behind knees • Good for relieving lower backache
	• 'Old' recovery position • Support under head and knees • Good if pregnant
• Support under pelvis • Good if overweight or with large/ heavy bust
	• Back fully supported by chair • Chin and thighs parallel to the floor • Feet and ha

For more information, go the the Mind website by clicking here.

And now, RELAX!

Hugs,
Mudd
xoxo

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

Date Rape

It's happened to me more than once.

I thought for many years that it was my fault. That I had it coming to me because of the way I dressed, the way I acted, the way I drank.

But I know better now.

And I want all young people to know that date rape is RAPE, period.

In The Truth About Rape -- a book intended for teenagers -- the authors make this clear. They point out that when most people think of rape, they think of stranger rape, where the victim is stalked, followed, and attacked by someone he or she did not know.

But more than 80 percent of all reported rapes are committed by an acquaintance and can occur at home or away from home. Usually, the victim trusts the assailant.

Similar to acquaintance rape are date rape and partner rape. More than 60 percent of acquaintance rapes take place during a date. In most cases, an accused rapist, abuser, or defendant never admits he or she has committed an act against someone or even that he or she committed a crime. Assailants may also deny ever physically or sexually hurting anyone. When a sexual assault is reported and the abuser identified, abusers may admit that they did it but try to make it sound as if the victim consented or "wanted it." The abuser might say that the victim "deserved it."

The authors go on to say that beliefs about rape vary according to the type of rape that occurred. Most people would not consider the victim to blame if the rape was perpetrated by a stranger. However, if the rapist is known to the victim, the woman is more likely to be blamed.

Some people believe that when someone is sexually assaulted or raped, the man or the woman somehow "asked for it" by dressing in revealing clothing, flirting, or showing signs of encouragement.

Here are some of the myths and misinformation about date rape:

• "Maybe" means "yes."
• If a woman has previously been sexually active, she will probably be willing to have sex with other men.
• If a woman agrees to any sexual contact, including kissing or fondling, she has agreed to "go all the way."
• If a woman has had sex with a man once, she will be willing to have sex again.
• Buying dinner or gifts entitles a man to have sex with his date.
• Date rape is the result of miscommunication.
• Rape happens only when a stranger forces a woman to have sexual intercourse.
• Rape occurs only when there is physical violence or a physical struggle.

PREVENTING DATE RAPE

Psychologists and other counselors suggest that individuals take special precautions at parties and other gatherings. Those precautions include:

• Watching while a beverage is poured or accepting drinks only from bottles or cans that partygoers have opened for themselves.
• Never leaving a beverage unattended.
• Avoiding alcohol or drugs while on a date.
• Calling a friend if feeling sick or dizzy after drinking and, if necessary, calling 911.

Some experts suggest that women:

• Meet in public places on the first few dates with someone they don't know well.
• Do not go to a date's car or home or to their own home if they will be alone there.
• Plan to take public transportation home or arrange to have someone they know pick them up after a date.
• Set sexual limits and make their dates aware of those limits.
• Clearly communicate their expectations to their dates.
• Stay sober. It is easier to be in control of a stiuation when one is not under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
• Trust their instincts. If a woman feels uneasy or threatened in a situation, she should get away as quickly as possible. There is no need to explain or find an excuse to leave if one feels uncomfortable.

If you or someone you know is a victim of a date rape, psychologists and other health-care professionals suggest the following:

• Go to a friend's place. If there is no one to go to, call someone you can talk to, no matter how late it is.
• Get medical attention. Do not shower, bathe, or change your clothing first. Go to a hospital or health center to be examined and treated for possible venereal disease. There may also be internal injuries. If you decide to press charges, physical specimens collected soon after the rape may be valuable evidence.
• Report the attack even if you do not plan to file charges. Someone who has raped once is likely to rape again. If you turn the rapist in, you may save someone else from being attacked.
• Get help and support. You have been through a trauma and need help to deal with the situation and your feelings. People who seek counselling get over their experiences faster and with fewer lasting effects than those who do not get help.

It's a sad world when one cannot go out on a date without having to worry about being raped. Especially when you're out with someone you've known for weeks, months, years even.

But better to be safe than sorry.

So be careful.
Tell your kids, your friends.
Share this information.

And be well, my friends!

Love always,
Mudd
xoxo

To buy The Truth About Rape by Judith Harper, Kathryn Hilgenkamp, Laura Kittross, and Mark J. Kittleson, Ph. D., go to Amazon.com by clicking here.

P.S.: Questions or not, I would love to hear from you.
Please email me at anxietybuster@gmail.com
or simply click the link on the sidebar.

Zen Story

Two monks were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was falling. Coming around the bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.

"Come on, girl," said the first monk. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

The second monk did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. "We monks don't go near females," he said. "It is dangerous. Why did you do that?"

"I left the girl there," the first monk said. "Are you still carrying her?"

Just Be Yourself

Overpowered? Overextended? Overworked?

Here's another interesting little book:
Simplify Your Life, 100 Ways To Slow Down And
Enjoy The Things That Really Matter.

In way number 73, the author -- Elaine St. James -- has these words for us:

Have you ever stopped to think about how much energy you spend -- and how much you complicate your life -- by pretending to be someone other than who you are? We all do it. It's part of being human, and it was also a big part of the fast-paced life-style of the 1980s.

A good exercise is to sit down and go through all the major areas of your life and decide how each would be different if the only person you had to impress was you. Would you have a different career? What kind of house would you live in? Would you drive a different car? How would you dress? How would you spend your spare time? Would you be married to the person you're married to? Would you have the same friends?

Often we assume various layers of pretense not so much out of our own needs, but because of someone else's. How often are we untrue to ourselves because of the pressures of our family, the demands of our mate, the entreaties of our children? If your life-style reflects someone else's idea of how your life should be, take a few moments to imagine how much simpler it would be if you dropped the pretense and learned to just be yourself.

Throughout the book, Elaine's short texts cover everything from reducing the clutter in your life, to cutting your laundering chore in half, to building a simple wardrobe, to cleaning up your relationships. She will help you simplify your household, your life-style, your job, your health, and your personal life.

If you think your life is too complex, if you crave simplicity,
check out her book at Amazon.com by clicking here.

Let's get back to the essentials and enjoy life's every precious moment!

Love always,
Mudd
x0x0

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

An Ancient Oracle

On January 1, 1991, my good friend Michael was slowly dying in a hospital room, and I stopped by to wish him a Happy New Year and to continue our conversations on death, karma and rebirth.

I remember that day vividly because I was feeling down in the dumps for reasons that don't matter any more but at the time, they were choking me out of my every breath.

So though Michael's life was being eaten away by lymph node cancer, he was the one to lift my spirit on that cold and gloomy afternoon. That's when he gave me the gift of ancient wisdom...

Out from under the sheets, he pulled a small, worn-out, burgundy satin pouch and a frayed little blue book. He handed me the pouch and told me to reach inside and play around with the 25 flat stones till one of them felt good in my hand, till I knew this was the one I was drawn to. When I became ready to pick one, I took it out and noticed the sign, carved into the stone and painted a rich, dark brown.

Upon seeing the sign I had chosen, Michael thumbed through his book, stopped at the corresponding page, and gave it to me to read. I was amazed at how appropriate the message was for what I was living at the moment. The words were soothing, encouraging, reassuring.

The next day, I purchased The Book Of Runes, by Ralph Blum, and still treasure it along with the stones -- mine rest in a dark blue velvet pouch. For years, they have given me guidance and have filled my soul with wisdom, love, and light.

In the preface to the book, Dr. Martin D. Rayner, Professor of Physiology at the University of Hawaii School of Medicine, points out how the Runes are healing and merciful. He encourages us to play with the possibility that they can provide "a mirror for the magic of our Knowing Selves," a means of communication with the knowledge of our subconscious minds. He asks you to remember that you are consulting an Oracle rather than having your fortune told. An Oracle does not give you instruction as to what to do next, nor does it predict future events. An Oracle points your attention towards those hidden fears and motivations that will shape your future by their unfelt presence within each present moment. Once seen and recognized, these elements become absorbed into the realm of choice. Oracles do not absolve you of the responsibility for selecting your future, but rather direct your attention towards those inner choices that may be the most important elements in determining that future.

So now, after lighting a candle and a stick of amber-sandal incense, not knowing who you are or what you're going through at the moment, I picked a Rune for you. Here is the message it carries:

Algiz

Protection
Sedge or Rushes
An Elk

Control of the emotions is at issue here. During times of transition, shifts in life course and accelerated self-change, it is important not to collapse yourself into your emotions -- the highs as well as the lows. New opportunities and challenges are typical of this Rune. And with them will come trespasses and unwanted influences.

Algiz serves as a mirror for the Spiritual Warrior, the one whose battle is always with the self. The protection of the Warrior is like the warning rustle of the sedge grass or like the curved horns of the elk, for both serve to keep open space around you. Remain mindful that timely action and correct conduct are the only true protection. If you find yourself feeling pain, observe the pain, stay with it. Don't try to pull down the veil and escape from life by denying what is happening. You will progress; knowing that is your protection.

All my love,
Mudd

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.

To purchase The Book Of Runes, go to Amazon.com by clicking here.

The Healing Stages

One of the books that helped me along the path to recovery is
The Courage To Heal - A Guide For Women Survivors
Of Child Sexual Abuse, by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis.

The authors explain that healing is not a random process, that there are recognizable stages that all survivors pass through. They provide you with a map of those stages, enabling you to see where you are, what you've done already, and what's yet to come.

They also specify that healing is not a linear process. A common analogy for the healing process is that it's like a spiral. You go through the same stages again and again. But traveling up the spiral, you pass through them at a different level, with a different perspective. You might spend a year or two dealing intensely with your abuse. Then, you might take a break and focus more on the present. A year or so later, changes in your life -- a new relationship, the birth of a child, graduation from school, or simply an inner urge -- may stir up more unresolved memories and feelings, and you may focus in on it again, embarking on a second or a third or a fourth round of discovery. With each new cycle, your capacity to feel, to remember, to make lasting changes, is strengthened.

Here now are The Stages as presented by Ellen and Laura. Please note that although most of these stages are necessary for every survivor, a few of them -- the emergency stage, remembering the abuse, confronting your family, and forgiveness -- are not applicable for
every woman.

The Decision To Heal

Once you recognize the effects of sexual abuse in your life, you need to make an active commitment to heal. Deep healing happens only when you choose it and are willing to change yourself.

The Emergency Stage

Beginning to deal with memories and suppressed feelings can throw your life into utter turmoil. Remember, this is only a stage. It won't last forever.

Remembering

Many survivors suppress all memories of what happened to them as children. Those who do not forget the actual incidents often forget how it felt at the time. Remembering is the process of getting back both memory and feeling.

Believing It Happened

Survivors often doubt their own perceptions. Coming to believe that the abuse really happened, and that it really hurt you, is a vital part of the healing process.

Breaking Silence

Most adult survivors kept the abuse a secret in childhood. Telling another human being about what happened to you is a powerful healing force that can dispel the shame of being a victim.

Understanding That It Wasn't Your Fault

Children usually believe the abuse is their fault. Adult survivors must place the blame where it belongs -- directly on the shoulders of the abusers.

Making Contact With The Child Within

Many survivors have lost touch with their own vulnerability. Getting in touch with the child within can help you feel compassion for yourself, more anger at your abuser, and greater intimacy with others.

Trusting Yourself

The best guide for healing is your own inner voice. Learning to trust your own perceptions, feelings, and intuitions forms a new basis for action in the world.

Grieving And Mourning

As children being abused, and later as adults struggling to survive, most survivors haven't felt their losses. Grieving is a way to honor your pain, let go, and move into the present.

Anger - The Backbone Of Healing

Anger is a powerful and liberating force. Whether you need to get in touch with it or have always had plenty to spare, directing your rage squarely at your abuser, and at those who didn't protect you, is pivotal to healing.

Disclosures And Confrontations

Directly confronting your abuser and/or your family is not for every survivor, but it can be a dramatic, cleansing tool.

Forgiveness?

Forgiveness of the abuser is not an essential part of the healing process, although it tends to be the one most recommended. The only essential forgiveness is for yourself.

Spirituality

Having a sense of a power greater than yourself can be a real asset in the healing process. Spirituality is a uniquely personal experience. You might find it through traditional religion, meditation, nature, or your support group.

Resolution And Moving On

As you move through these stages again and again, you will reach a point of integration. Your feelings and perspectives will stabilize. You will come to terms with your abuser and other family members. While you won't erase your history, you will make deep and lasting changes in your life. Having gained awareness, compassion, and power through healing, you will have the opportunity to work toward a better world.

Do I hear "Amen?"

Yeah...Amen!

Hugs and Healing Light,

Mudd
xoxo

P.S.: Questions or not, I'd love to hear from you. Please email me at
anxietybuster@gmail.com or simply click the link on the sidebar.